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[Graillik Tur]

Being married to an over active and over achieving half Korean in the military I can tell you...everything you have just heard is true, the control, the need to be helpful, the not doing her way, it's all true. Cool thing is after months or years of being with someone you start to let go of some control and of some need to have it done a specific way. It all balances out. Which reminds me, I need to leave a love note.

Late.

[Ming]

[Legend]

Hey, dude, I'm not saying -I- feel that way, but I know women who are like that. I'm on your side-- if you ask someone (male -or- female) to do something, and they're not doing it the way you want it done...just re-do it afterwards if it ends up not done correctly (IE: If something turns out actually -wrong-, like if I asked Chris to sew parts of my costume together and he sewed them inside out or something. Or, if the dishes aren't where they're supposed to be, just move them where they are after thanking them for at least trying.) Or, just don't worry about it if it isn't a big deal. Maybe the dishes are in the wrong spot, but as long as you can get to them, you can just let 'im know where they go for next time and bam, problem solved in a week or so, right?

But, like I said, I -do- know people who are control freaks over their space and need everything to be in a certain location. My sister is actually obsessive compulsive in a few ways. She -has- to have things a certain way or they will drive her crazy. ...Though, I don't think she's ever had a problem with someone doing something for her and not doing it right. She's pretty good at giving proper instructions beforehand and switching around afterwards if it's not right or whatever.

[Kudasai Hiroki]

They're testing us, man. They'll ask you for help to see if you'll do it their way or if you can do it to their standards. Which, of course, will never happen. It's just another way for them to assert their dominance over us.

[Ming]

[FawkesFyre]

I'm on the same line as Legend and K-chan,

The "you're doing it wrong" interjection comes from the fact that your mind and line of logic often just doesn't match up with that of the guy. This is just something that varies from person to person, and not necessarily gender...my mother and I used to get into fights over this same sort of situation as well...so its not a male/female thing.

The person asking for help has a certain expectation for how the task should be completed. For the most part, the person asking for help has a plan in their head as to what the end result is supposed to look like.

When said task is not completed either correctly or within the correct timeframe (which should be set up within the request), some choose to interject and just take over and do it themselves. It goes along with the old saying, "If you want something done right, do it yourself".

Dloe can correct me on this but, I don't believe I have actually stepped in and opted to just do something myself...at least not in this sort of situation. What I tend to do is, if he's doing something that doesn't make sense to me, I ask "Why are you doing <x>?" Or if this box, for instance, is not moved to where i want it, I say so right then. That way, it can be fixed and can move on.

I opt to do a lot of things myself, on my own, simply because I'm there at the time to do it....so I might as well.

[kei]

Yes no one is singling out anyout i made this question because i get this situation in my house where i live with four drama queens of the stone age.

Kudasai that answer does make since.

[FawkesFyre]

[RivaOni]

Personal experience is that a woman will ask you to do something to help, but you're actually hindering and making things more difficult for hr so she tells you to leave her alone or "get out of the way". This is helping in a co-operative sense, say moving something about the house.

OR

They ask you to do something, say put a set of shelves up, as that sort of thing seems to be a "Mans job" only you havent put it quite where they want you to put it so they criticise.But if you raise the question of them doing it themselves, it will only lead to more problems and criticsm so theres no point going there.

Easiest way of doing the second thing I mentioned is for them to somehow mark out exactly how or where they want something doing. Preferably i a form thats physical so that you can show them what theyve put.

Of course this doesnt apply to all women, but it does apply to the vast majority of women I know.

Also, some don't always understand what they're asking is physically impossible. For example, I put a roller blind in the kitchen a few months back, Chixie wanted it inside the window areaso that it was close to the window and the window sill was still visible with the blind down, but the blind wouldnt fit in the window so I put it in the outside of the window area (but inside the house, obviously ), there was a bit of raised voices and that but we decided to leave it as it was, purely because my drill's battery had died and it would take a coulpe of hours to charge and by then I was doing other stuff.

The problem lies in the fact that a good proportion of women, and note, I dont mean all!, seem to thnk men are mind readers. Women are a mine field, you have to be careful with exactly what you do or say regarding anything.

[kei]

Maybe so riva, maybe so.