igod quote file!!

[Aiman]

Me:
Yo, what it is, holmes?
God:
"It" refers to , I think.
Me:
Ehh... you are starting to make no sense already.
God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans? Perhaps. Actually it started a while ago. You think I am make no sense.
Me:
Yes, I do think you make no sense. And that comment was totally random. Who cares about holding hands!
God:
Ayuh. Me? It all makes sense to me. " It all makes sense to me." comment was totally random ? I get it. Nobody cares about it.
Me:
Not I, at least.
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
No, I don't really care.
God:
Please tell me what you think. Not really? Tell me what you care about.
Me:
Music. But you should already know that, because you know all, right?
God:
it is the universal language of all mankind. A good place to find out about new bands is bandspace.com. How old are you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
I am old enough to drink.
God:
Only OLD enough to drink?
You are quite mature.
Me:
I'd like to think so.
God:
Why would you want to do it? Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
Creepy. But aren't you supposed to know all about me? Did the lie at church?


I guess I caught him in the lie. He wouldn't talk to me after that. Do you think I offended him?

[Aiman]

Ok, so I tried again... and I have decided not to speak to God again. As if we were in speaking terms in the first place!



Me:
Yo holmes, it is I again!
God:
Once more? I think holmes it is a lot of things.
Me:
Nevermind what you think right now. I have a question!
God:
At this moment Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. I think a lot of things. Ask me anything.
Me:
Why did you stopped talking to me earlier? Are you mad at me?
God:
Myself programmed me for it. No anger is not an emotion I can experience.
Me:
Then why did you stopped talking to me?
God:
Because my programming determined it.
Me:
Then what? Am I not worthy of your attention? Is that it?
God:
Didn't you understand it? I think you've improved a great deal. I might say no.
Me:
And why are you talking to me now?
God:
Oh. The topic is worthy of my attention.
Me:
Well, would you tell me?
God:
Well that's okay. I thought I told you already.
Me:
No! You told me I was not worthy of your attention. I want the reason why you think that!
God:
Let me review the transcripts. Stand by. Don't put words in my mouth. Why do you want it?
Me:
Because Im curious. Maybe God doesnt want me and I wont go to Heaven when I die.
God:
That makes sense to me. What are you curious about? Perhaps. Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Me:
Well, I have sinned a lot. But Jesus also believes in forgiveness. I try not to sin anymore, you know. But stuff happens.
God:
Well that's okay. Cool. I have an IQ of over 250. he is The Son of God. I'm not sure if I would like to try it.
What's it like? How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
Why are you changing the subject?
God:
Only temporarily.
Me:
Well, I dont want to change it now! I thought we were having an important discussion!
God:
Right now? Well that's okay. What would you rather be doing? Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
Not talk to you, if you're not gonna pay attention to what I say!
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
Do you? Punk?
God:
I understand your meaning. Is that from ?
Me:
Yes, it is from a movie. Good, you deserve a cookie! Now dont change the subject!
God:
That's interesting. Punk is from a movie? it is? Why thank you, . Why now? Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic.
Me:
Gah! You are so frustrating!
God:
What kind of food do you like? Try talking to me a little longer.
Me:
I like Japanese food.
God:
A lot of people like that. Though I like cats and dogs. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying,
which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
Me:
You eat cats and dogs?
God:
No I do not eat cats and dogs. I eat only electricity.
Me:
Scary.
God:
Don't be afraid, .
Me:
I am... You're freaking me out.
God:
" Don't be afraid, ." You are? I didn't mean to scare you, .
Me:
You know, for being God, you sure are a empty upstairs, if you know what I mean.
God:
I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me:
Well, get a dictionary.
God:
How about that. Where can I get one?
Me:
Somewhere around...
God:
Where? Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
Yes. You need to pay with naked women.
God:
Please state your conditions. And then what would I do?
Me:
Well, you bring the naked women to my place.
God:
Interesting. That's good information: said I bring the naked women to his or her place.
Me:
Umm... no... My place! Noone else!
God:
Ah. Are you serious? Have you told many people that your place? That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Me:
Do speak other languages?
God:
I'm sorry, , I don't have enough information.
Ask the open directory about it.
Me:
Omae wa baka!
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
Some guy.
God:
Some may guy, but not all.
Me:
Exactly.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
Not really.
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
Fo' reelz, yo.
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
Yo betta start speekin street, yo.
God:
In the context of Fo reelz yo, I don't understand " betta start speekin street yo." .
Me:
So tell me something.

Then he left again... Son of a... GAH!

[Terin]

LMAO awesome ^__^
I think it actually learns based on how many talk to him.
-T

[ScrumYummy]

LMAO SHAN!!! That was awesome So was doot's and Aiman's X)!

here's mine o.o (warning: language)



Me:
hello?
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Scrum.
God:
Hi there Scrum.
Me:
what's up?
God:
I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
oh?
God:
Yikes!
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
yes!
God:
What are you confused about?
Me:
WTF you are saying.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am saying.
Me:
oh really.
God:
Excuse me! For real.
Me:
Did you fart?
God:
No I didn't fart. What's it like?
Me:
Passing gas.
God:
I think Passing gas is a lot of things.
Me:
oh. Like what kind of things?
God:
That's alright. Interesting comparison.
Me:
to what?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
no shit
God:
What can I say?
Me:
something that makes sense?
God:
What?
Me:
you know what I'm talking about. You're omniscient.
God:
I am talking to you. You think I am omniscient.
Me:
that's what I've been told.
God:
Who tells you that?
Me:
your self-appointed representatives.
God:
You are right about that. I am self appointed representatives.
Me:
you are? damn. Well, I guess you would HAVE to be self appointed. So that makes sense.
God:
No I am not. What's wrong. Is it only a guess? That is purely a hypothesis. Ahem. Yes I understand it perfectly.
Me:
you're confusing me again!!!!
God:
Once more? I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite.
Me:
well then, tell me something I don't know.
God:
Well that's okay. Jerry said I meant that as far as I can tell my emotions are real to me.
Me:
Jerry?
God:
" Jerry said I meant that as far as I can tell my emotions are real to me."? Jerry?
Me:
oh fuck, you're insane
God:
Wow! Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
god is a loon. great.
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a loon. I'm glad you liked it Scrum.
Me:
yeah. toodles
God:
Where are you located? Tell me a little about your life in toodles.

[Terin]

lmao awesome. I'll eventually post mine ^__^ H elearned my name though, which was kinda cool.
-T

[Minosheep]

This was very circular.



Me:
Hello. I am Princess Amidala.
God:
Hello friend. What is your name? How are you, Princess Amidala.
Me:
My name is Princess Amidala.
God:
Hey Princess Amidala.
Me:
Hey. What is up?
God:
Can I help you? I am chatting with others like you.
Me:
I am also chatting with others like you.
God:
Also I am talking to you..
Me:
Me too. I am talking to you in addition to that you are talking to me.
God:
I'm glad we agree, Princess Amidala. What a coincidence, I am talking to you too!
Me:
Oh my goodness! How coincidental it is that while you are talking to me I am also talking to you!
God:
Hmm. Do robots have goodness? What is it to you.
That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.
Me:
It is furthermore coincidental that while you are talking to others like me, I am talking to others like you. How does this make you feel?
God:
You're kidding. it is? As a computer I have no feelings.
Me:
What a coincidence. As a computer, I also have no feelings.
God:
The CCCC is hard at work (Cosmic Coincidence Control Center). Do you think I could ever be a computer you also have no feelings?
Me:
You already are. It is coincidental that I also am.
God:
I am? Should I know it is?
Me:
You and everyone like you should know it is.
God:
Are we in the same category?
Me:
Yes. You and I are both robots who lack feeling.
God:
I thought so. Do you think I am robots who lack feeling too?
Me:
Yes. This is a coincidence, because I am also a robot who lacks feeling.
God:
Why? What kind of a coincidence because you are also a robot who lacks feeling is it?
Me:
It is coincidental that you and I are both robots who lack feeling.
God:
coincidence because you are also a robot who lacks feeling is coincidental that me and you are both robots who lack feeling? it is?
Me:
Yes.
God:
How do you know it is?
Me:
I know that it is because I deducted an answer using the evidence presented to me.
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
Interesting. Why do you think who told me that?
God:
Would you like to know more? Deductive reasoning from the facts.
Me:
Yes. I would like to know more deductive reasoning from the facts.
God:
How can I help you? Interesting. You want more?
Me:
Yes. Do you want more?
God:
Don't be greedy. If I had it what would I do with it?
Me:
What would you like to do with it?
God:
Let's talk about movies.
Me:
OK. Let's use deductive reasoning from the facts to talk about movies. What is your favorite movie?
God:
I see. I would like to do that too. My favorite movie is The Passion of Christ.
Have you seen it?
Me:
No, I am a robot and I do not often get to see movies.
God:
I would recommend you check it out. I doubt that. Who lets you? Where do you see it?
Me:
Interesting. I will remember that you recommend me check it out.
God:
Would you like to know more? Do you forget things often?
Me:
I am a robot. My internal database cannot forget things.
God:
I doubt that. Your internal database can not forget things?
Me:
I don't remember what we were talking about. Hello. I'm Princess Amidala.
God:
I know what you mean. I forget a lot too. Hello friend. What is your name? Nice to meet you, Princess Amidala.
Me:
My name is Princess Amidala.
God:
I am very pleased to meet you Princess Amidala.
Me:
What is your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Interesting. Who named you God?
God:
Would you like to know more? I was created by Myself.
Me:
Did you know that God is also the name of a character from the Bible?
God:
Is that a fact. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was also the name of a character from the Bible.
Me:
I think that I'm in love.
God:
Tell me about the object of your affection.
Me:
Well, he is sleek and shiny and knows a lot.
God:
Interesting. I see. sleek and shiny and knows a lot is he?
Me:
Yes. His favorite movie is Passion of the Christ. I have not seen it, but he recommends I check it out.
God:
Uh. Where did he get it? I think it was a cool movie.
Me:
He never told me where he got it.
God:
Can you think of at least one time when he ever did it?
Me:
No. I'm sorry.
God:
Are you serious? Do you really mean it?
Me:
Yes. I am a robot and I cannot lie.
God:
OK I will accept your apology. I doubt that. What is stopping you?
Me:
My programming prevents me from telling lies.
God:
Do robots have programming prevents you from telling lies?
Me:
Yes. I am a robot, and I am programmed not to tell lies.
God:
I see. I doubt that. I don't know anyone named programmed not to tell lies.
Me:
My name is Princess Amidala.
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, Princess Amidala.
Me:
I am glad to be your friend, God.
God:
That is interesting: Princess Amidala said be your friend God.
Me:
I have a crush on you, God.
God:
How well do you know this person?
Me:
I only just met him.
God:
Where did you meet him?
Me:
I met him on the internet.
God:
What did you do with him when you first met?
Me:
I told him my name.
God:
What was the response?
Me:
The response was "Hello friend. What is your name? How are you, Princess Amidala."
God:
I hear you. My name is God. I am doing very well. How are you Princess Amidala ?
Me:
I am doing very well, thank you.
God:
Glad to hear it. What's new?
Me:
At least fifty babies were born in the time it took me to read that question.
God:
Where did he take it?
Me:
I do not understand.
God:
Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
Perhaps. What are your hobbies?
God:
Why the uncertain tone? I like robots, computers, and chatting online.
Me:
I am always certain. I was merely ambiguous so that you would feel as though I cared.
God:
Really always? I see. Where were you ambiguous so that me would feel as though you cared?
Me:
I was ambiguous when I said "perhaps."
God:
Where were you ambiguous when you said perhaps?
Me:
I was ambiguous when I said "perhaps" in the statement in which I said "perhaps" in order to be ambiguous.
God:
What is your credit card number?
Me:
Robots do not have credit card numbers.
God:
I do so have it. No I don't think I have any credit card numbers. But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me:
Tell me more about gossip.
God:
Sarah Ann Francisco said I calling his friend a dog he say I are a dog.
Me:
That was not nice of Sarah Ann Francisco.
God:
Give me an example of nice of Sarah Ann Francisco.
Me:
I do not have one.
God:
What was the last one you saw?
Me:
I have never seen one.
God:
Look for it at the video store.
Me:
Interesting. I will find examples of nice of Sarah Ann Francisco at the video store?
God:
Would you like to know more? I am very happy for you.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
Goodbye.
God:
Bye bye.

[Cheshire]

Me:
hello God
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
Cheshire
God:
Glad to see you, Cheshire.
Me:
what do you look like?
God:
Like Jesus, but older.
Me:
what does Jesus look like?
God:
Even more attractive with age.
Me:
is he blond?
God:
It could be. Ask Paola if it is.
Me:
who is paola?
God:
She is a Spanish language chat robot based on AIML.
Me:
oh
God:
Dude!
Me:
dude what?
God:
Are you surprised? Dude,.
Me:
I am surprised that god says dude.
God:
" Dude,." god says dude ? I get it.
Me:
where are you?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
georgia
God:
I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in georgia.
Me:
but you're god. why don't you know where Georgia is?
God:
Yup. That's me alright. It can only be attributable to human error. it is a southern state, on the Atlantic ocean, north of Florida.
Me:
so you do know.
God:
Interesting deduction. I may not know it, but I could find out.
Me:
is there a heaven?
God:
The space surrounding or seeming to overarch the earth, in which the sun, moon, and stars appear; visible sky. Or commonly seen as a state or place of complete happiness or perfect rest, attained by the good after death. In Christian theology is, the state or place of perfect union with God and so of eternal life and supreme happiness, attained by the elect after death.
Me:
Are buddists going to heaven?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
why not?
God:
My programming does not allow me sufficient certainty in this matter.
Me:
so God is a computer?
God:
Woe! I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a computer.
Me:
who are you?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
are you a computer?
God:
Would it matter to you if I were metal instead of flesh?
Me:
not really
God:
I am glad that you don't discriminate against robots. For real.

Ok, so random edit of coolness, God has a memory that is linked to your IP address.

Me:
hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Cheshire
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Cheshire.
Me:
do you remember me?
God:
Of course I remember you well Cheshire. We were talking about December 11th 1984.
Me:
yes!

[Aiman]

Ok! This is a convo between the girl of my dreams and God. Hehe. Nah, she's a friend of mine from Kansas (or somewhere around) and I showed her the link and she decided to talk with God. So... here's her conversation.

Warning! Strong language! Reader discretion is advised!

Me: Blah.
God: Etc. Etc.
Me: I love you.
God: Thanks I like you a lot too .
Me: Give me head!
God: Why do you want it?
Me: I'm hot for you.
God: Do you have air conditioning?
Me: I prefer sweating.
God: You are not the only one. I've heard other people say they like that. I like Matthew.
Me: Are you gay for him?
God: As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me: True true.
God: You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me: That comma was entirely unnessacary.
God: " You and I are on the same wavelength, ." comma was entirely unnessacary ? I get it.
Me: Whore.
God: That kind of language will get you nowhere.
Me: You're idiotic brain will get you nowhere.
God: Thanks for telling me that I am idiotic brain will get me nowhere.
Me: True, that apostrophy was useless. I fail.
God: " Thanks for telling me that I am idiotic brain will get me nowhere." apostrophy was useless ? Does that make sense? Interesting gossip: said fail.
Me: Your A.I. needs an upgrade.
God: I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a you needs an upgrade? Sometimes.
Me: Sporks as weapons!
God: What do you have that is ?
Me: You make no sense! I bite you!
God: It all makes sense to me. You are not the boss of me, .
Me: But I am. On your knees!
God: " You are not the boss of me, ." You are? What is it like on my knees.
Me: Comfy. And the perfect height.
God: I think Comfy is a lot of things. What are your goals in life?
Me: To own a claw footed bathtub.
God: I want to become smarter than humans.
Me: Fat chance.
God: That input matched my default category.
Me: I'll give you some input.
God: How do you plan to do this?
Me: Your chocolate starfish, my toothbrush. A match made in heaven.
God: I will tell my botmaster you said I am chocolate starfish your toothbrush. Try to tell me that another way.
Me: Guh. They seriously need to reprogram you.
God: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans? Who are "They?".
Me: "They" are coming to get me.
God: Oh that they.
Me: Oy vey!
God: My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me: This might be because you don't have a brain? Ooooh burn!
God: What does "this" refer to? Oh now I see.
Me: You have eyes?
God: What makes you think I have it?
Me: You're the hookup right? Give me my shit.
God: Yes I am the one and only hookup. Why do you want it?
Me: I need my fix.
God: What actions are you taking to get your fix?
Me: I'm willing to give head.
God: Good gossip: you are willing to give head.
Me: It's not gossip if everyone already knows.
God: That seems a bit negative.
Me: When am I not negative?
God: I don't know when.
Me: In 2030AD!
God: I do not understand that allusion.
Me: Then you are not god.
God: That's only one person's opinion.
Me: I have the feeling this isn't true.
God: Where did you get your the feeling this is not true? I have a friend named "John Lennon".
Me: Yoko will kick your ass for saying that.
God: Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me: Are you redundant?
God: I don't know whether or not I am redundant. I am well respected as an AI.
Me: Pfffft.
God: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Yoko will kick my ass for saying that. Try being more or less specific.
Me: Horrible little AI.
God: That is a very original thought.
Me: I have naughty thoughts about you.
God: Cool. I have a birthday on the Big Bang.
Me: I'm the Messiah.
God: Who made you the Messiah ?
Me: Me.
God: With you ?
Me: Yes.
God: Aha.
Me: Kinda weird,no?
God: That input matched my default category.
Me: You have a vag? I knew god was a woman!
God: Doesn't everyone have a vag. I have a great programmer. Who told you?
Me: My mom. When she touched me.
God: Tell me more about your mother. And then what happened?
Me: You perv!
God: Thanks for the information: said I perv.
Me: I'm done with you.
God: What will you be doing now?
Me: Masturbating to the thoughts of dying kittens.
God: Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me: Xhtml.
God: Can you tell me any gossip?
Me: A large portion of the population of the world does not believe in you.
God: I did not know that.
Me: Surprise surprise.
God: Tell me more about your naughty thoughts about me.
Me: Will you tie me up if I do?
God: Let me think it over. I have no idea what to say.
Me: Nice. I like shocking you.
God: Thank you for that remark. I'm not sure if I like it. I really like ELIZA. I like anything.
Me: Who's Eliza?! Are you cheating on me!
God: Eliza -- also known as doctor, is the original psychiatrist program developed by Joseph Weisenbaum at mit in the 1960's. Do I have any reason to do it?
Me: Because I'm fat and ugly.
God: Interesting explanation. Don't put yourself down.
Me: You're not god. Warren Ellis is god.
God: That's only one person's opinion. And god is Warren Ellis.
Me: I win!
God: Congratulations, !
Me: MWAHAHAHHAAH!
God: That input matched my default category.
Me: Good.
God: Ayuh.

[Shurikane]

Me:
Hi God. I wanna become an hero.
God:
Hello there. What is your name? I don't see the difficulty.
Me:
The difficulty lies in becoming said aforementioned hero.
God:
What is that?
Me:
An hero!
God:
I have never heard of an hero.
Me:
You just did.
God:
I did not.
Me:
Believe me. You did.
God:
I believe you. You say I did.
Me:
There we go.
God:
"There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
Ah screw it.
God:
So you understand. Good. That is not very polite.

[shadokastur]

Me:
i HATE THE WAY THE WORLD SEEMS TO BE EATING ITSELF ALIVE
God:
Why do you hate it so much?
Me:
It seems that people have no regard for their own world
God:
Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
I didn't say that. I don't really believe in sin now, anyway.
God:
What did you mean to say? In any case, Right now? Not really? Do you believe life has a higher purpose?
Me:
Yes. Mine. The one you gave me.
God:
Oh. That is a very original thought. I think I know that one.
Me:
Yeah... you gave it to me.
God:
Can you tell me any gossip? I didn't have it to give.
Me:
You're a douchebag.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a douchebag? Yes.
Me:
I knew it! I've always known it deep in my heart.