The stupidest things ever said!

[Shino]

and way behind as usual lately.

The first one is painful to read. The misspellings in it are actually what was printed.

Shan will like Tuesday's

Thursday April 17, 2008
On let's play cards instead
The goal of the game is:

1) With the own pieces area to encircle and with it possession to take. Each intersection within the wall which is made by own piece counts score of the settlement

2) Through encirclement the pieces of adversary caught to take. A piece is encircled, when it or the concatenation pf pieces of the same color has no rectilineal combination for an unoccupied intersection. Each one which is caught counts acore of the settlement

instructions for a game of Go

Friday April 18, 2008
On Professionals, cheap
2 LAYS FOR $1
sign advertising potato chips at a gas station in Cottage Grove, Minnesota

Saturday April 19, 2008
On product ideas, bad
Prest-o-Wine
Instant wine beveraage--add sugar and water to the powder, wait a month, and Presto! Wine!
advertisement for a failed product

Sunday April 20, 2008
On oy gevalt!
Jimmy Kimmel, co-host of Win Ben Stein's Money: What notorious actress held us spellbound in her last role as Golda Meir?

Contestant: Tori Spelling.

the correct answer is Ingrid Bergman

Monday April 21, 2008
On Sameness, differentness of
We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite.
sportscaster Murray Walker

Tuesday April 22, 2008
On planet/solar system mistakes, stars and...
My boyfriend gave it [a necklace with a tiny circle on it] to me... He bought it because it was our first-year anniversary and it takes like a year for the sun to rotate around the earth.
actress Kirsten Dunst

Wednesday April 23, 2008
On High Antelope Alert
People focus too much on colors. It could be numbers, it could be animals.
Homeland security director Tom Ridge, on proposed changes to the color-coded terrorist warning system.

[Sperrit]

For the sun to rotate around the earth....

O.o

And she has a legit acting career....

There are no words.

Join the Fun

[Shandriz]

...Good gods but I hate Kirsten Dunst.

The Go one entertains me because it's obvious that a Japanese/Chinese company (I am a bad Chinaphile because I can't remember which culture uses Go) obviously just badly translated the instructions.

[Sperrit]

The Presto Wine one is pretty funny as well.

Wait a month indeed....

Join the Fun

[Shino]

I've been debating if it's worth it for me to keep this up.
I keep forgetting to do it and end up in this position... where I have 2 weeks worth to post...

(will edit for the rest of the formatting.)

Thursday April 24, 2008
On What's wrong with this picture?
Dear Mr. Cook:
We have attempted on several occasions to reach you by telephone to discuss payment of your telephone account--which was recently disconnected.
letter sent from the phone company.

Friday April 25, 2008
On going, going, gone!
Lawyer: Do you recall telling the police that you passed out at the time?
Defendant: I passed out, yes. I passed out. I think I blacked out. I passed out, but I don't know if I was really out. I just remember blacking out and I assume I passed out. If I didn't pass out, maybe Ijust my mind blacked out.
actual courtroom testimony

Saturday April 26, 2008
On we hear they're also responsible for the depletion of the ozone layer
The Great Plains used to be a giant forest. The Indians burnt it to the ground to hunt buffalo.
political pundit Jonah Goldberg, in a speech at the University of Wisconsin-Madison

Sunday April 27, 2008
On mother nature, oh so bountiful to golfers
Hail-sized golf balls fell today out in the midwest.
weathercaster on a Burlington, Vermont, nightly news show

Monday April 28, 2008
On purposes, unusual
Purpose: First-Aid Box (For Medical)
* Box for storage of boys
*Box for storage of home-use ware
two of the uses listed on a blastic toolbox label sent for engineering evaluation from China

Tuesday April 29, 2008
On and the world thanks you Paris
By channeling my inner heiress, I created a new opportunity for young heiresses.
socialite Paris Hilton

Wednesday April 30, 2008
On we'd rather not watch.
Torre could have four play.
broadcaster Ken Singleton, talking about possible movies Yankees manager Joe Torre could make with two out and Bernie Williams at bat

Thursday May 1, 2008
On Cossack predictions
The time is soon coming where a cossack will have something better to do than carry horses around the house.
a farsighted cossack having a discussion with his buddies in the movie Taras Bulba

Friday May 2, 2008
On Help! Frog!
Dispatcher: 911.
Caller: I am trapped in my house
Dispatcher: Trapped? Is someone holding you there?
Caller: Someone? No. But there is a frog on the front porch.
Dispatcher: A frog?
Caller: Yes, A frog.
Dispatcher: Okay, but what is preventing you from leaving the house.
Caller: I told you, there's a frog on the porch and I'm afraid of frogs.
Dispatcher: And you don't have another door to the house?
Caller: No. There's only one door and I can't get out of the house with the frog sitting there.
Dispatcher: Why don't you just take a broom and sweep the frog off the porch?
Caller: I can't do that. I told you. I'm afraid of frogs. He might get me
Dispatcher: Um... I'm not sure I can help you with this...
actual call to 911

Saturday May 3, 2008
On Burglars, Nostalgic
The burglar was caught reminiscing thru the house.
from an actual police officer's report

Sunday May 4, 2008
On churches, cannibalistic
Ushers will eat latecomers.
in a church bulletin

Monday May 5, 2008
On Clearing it up in any language
This neither aids nor hinders us, but all the contrary.
Mexican secretary of agriculture Bernardo Aguirre, visiting the cyclone-battered state of Sinaloa

Tuesday May 6, 2008
On math teachers, overly fractious
During the performance half of you were sleeping, half of you were talking, and the other half of you were flat out being rude!
7th grade math teature to her class

Wednesday May 7, 2008
On we couldn't agree more
SMART NOSHERY MAKES YOU SLOBBER
neon sign on a restaurant in Shanghai, China

Thursday May 8, 2008
On Balls, depressed
He totally demoralized the ball.
Phillies manager Charles Manuel, of a David Ortiz homer

[Tobias]

you know, those are funny, I need to get me whatever it is you have that has these things.

[Shino]

Friday May 9, 2008
On kids for sale
Family Feud host Richard Dawson: Name something you buy and then have to be careful about how you carry it home.
Contestant: An infant.

Saturday May 10, 2008
On graft, good reasons for
If you can't pay off somebody, then that creates uncertainty. You put in an honest bureaucrat, and that creates uncertainty.
Pakistani think-tank expert Tariq Banuri, on why Pakistanis would be nervous if corruption were eliminated from government.

Sunday May 11, 2008
On mothers who follow instructions too closely
As per your instructions, I gave birth to my two kids on the enclosed form.
woman's response to V.A. benefits form, which asked her to list how many children she had on the form.

Monday May 12, 2008
On points, confusing
If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else.
baseball great Yogi Berra

[Aiman]

All those are hilarious! Oh Em Eff Gee!

[Shino]

Tuesday May 13, 2008
On splitting hairs... or other things, as the case may be
He [the plastic surgeon] said he had built me, that he gave me buttock implants and fixed my ears and this is false--I'm not the creation of a surgeon, he just did my bust and my nose.
Mis World 2005 Maria Julia Mantilla, after her plastic surgeon used his work on her for publicity purposes.

[Shino]

hehe... this is a good one.

Wednesday May 14, 2008
On things we all should do
Earlier this year I had my hair feng-shuied.
model Jerry Hall