The "D" word.

Kugyou · Katori Shintaro! Age: 44 Gender: Joined: 26 Sep 2005

So I'm sure many of you have read about my loving wife and wonderful new son (now just over 3 months old). Well, tomorrow I start moving my things out of that house and move back in with my mom.

Yup, we're going to get a divorce. More specifically, she is divorcing me - I don't really have any say in this decision. We haven't hashed out the details, but I know I will be angry if she tries for child support.

Why, you ask?

Because my role in our son's life has been relegated to that of "the guy who feeds Alex at midnight and changes him at 3". If my wife didn't want company (read: me in the same room with her), I couldn't be around my son because she didn't want to go to a different room so I could be with him. I haven't been employed since before he was born, and now that she has a promotion she's said that she doesn't need me to have a job. To be more direct, she now can pay all the bills, cover for her mother on bills when her mother drinks away her paycheck, and still pay to take her mother out for hundred-plus dollar dinners multiple times in a month.

I want to go back to college, get my Bachelor's, get my MBA, get through law school, go on with the dream that she killed when she decided that only she had the right to be a stay-at-home anything - that she could have the right to quit her job and go back to school full time if she wanted, but that wasn't allowed for me.

So I'm out from under the gun - I've been waiting for this to happen in amidst her assurances that she wasn't planning this - and now I just want to go on with my life. Yes, I love my son, and I want the best for him, but I refuse to let her use him as a tool to decide my life for me. Considering that I've already been cut out of his life, her assurance that she would never keep me from seeing him is worthless. I don't know how to explain this situation better - I realize that I probably am coming across as a deadbeat dad, but nothing's further from the truth. My mother needed money from my father in order to keep me in college, just to keep me fed, because she was also having to pay off his debt. My soon-to-be-ex doesn't have those issues, and I will be damned if I let her use this divorce as a way to force me to give her money she's said before she doesn't need from me.

Gods, I hate being reduced to wound-licking time and time again.

Tobias · *explodes* Age: 38 Gender: Joined: 17 Jan 2003

interesting senor. I really don't know what to say...this type of problem is way out of my league.

Sorry i cannot be of any assistance...i just don't have the experience...i'll be the first to admit that, though i hope that everything will work for ya.

~That is all

Kugyou · Katori Shintaro! Age: 44 Gender: Joined: 26 Sep 2005

Thanks, Tobs. I'm glad I met this group...you guys are gonna be like my sanity for a bit.

*explodes*

Tobias · *explodes* Age: 38 Gender: Joined: 17 Jan 2003

lol...well, if anything, *explodes*ing is always a great remedial therapy...it helps me!

*explodes*

Andsectoid · Router Monkey of DOOM!!! Gender: Joined: 18 Sep 2003

Sometimes these things happen but it is always sad to hear about.
I am familiar with the feeling of disappointment in the end when you have placed aside your instincts and intuitions because of someone’s false assurances.

Ming · DOOM! Gender: Joined: 13 Jan 2003

underpants · awesome sauce! Age: 41 Gender: Joined: 07 Jul 2004

My uncle is going through a divorce and I have very little experience through him. However, I know that in the state of Pennsylvania (where he lives) or maybe throughout the US, the person who makes the most money has to pay child support. So MAYBE if your case, you won't have to. It all depends on the laws in your state, I think.
The best of luck to you. As everyone else said, we're here for you.

PS. Sounds like your ex was/is very controlling, maybe it's better you're out of that relationship. Just my opinion

Shammy · New Age King Age: 37 Gender: Joined: 29 Sep 2004

Sorry to hear that Kugyou. I hope quite sincerely that, since she seems to be happy without you involved, not being a financial factor, etc and etc, that the courts will be able to just cut this out. I'm not sure if there are rules concerning the necessity of all divorced parents to pay at least some support, I thought there was, but I have little to no knowledge on Child Support, so there you go. Anyway, glad to hear you are back on the path towards what you wanted for yourself. If I may suggest it, reading David Thoreau's "Walden" may be nice.

Again, hope everything turns out right for all involved.

shadokastur · Posted: Sat Mar 04, 2006 11:27 am Post subject:

Man, that's f*&^%ng rough.

I hope everything turns out well for you, man. I wish I could offer more but I can and do listen well if you'd like to talk.

Peace brother.

Cheshire · Hippy Kitty Gender: Joined: 31 Jan 2005

First, I'm sorry! Divorce is never fun and I hope this goes easy for you. But while she can't get alimony, if she get's custody of your son, she'll get child support. If you can get complete joint custody, child support might not be an issue until he's older. My parents got divorced when I was five and my father was never there. Make an effort to be there.
Again I'm sorry.