love life trouble, what else. got any advice?

[Amberhosen]

well, so first the background. I had my first love last school year. it was good, there was never a problem, never a fight, never a moment of doubt in the entire relationship. then she moved away to kansas in the summer cause her dad was in the military (I live in maryland.....1000 miles!!!!). I spent 6 months wallowing in self pity, unable to bring myself to move on, unable to find the strength in myself to end my misery. without her, I had no passion, I had no willpower, I had no interest, I had no inspiration, I was just a corpse with a mouth. all I wanted was someone to love and be loved by in return, and It was denied me without even a chance to fuck it up in my own time and in my own way. but then, about a month ago, I finally moved on.

the next one's name was chelsea and, coincidences of coincidences, she was the very person that had convinced me to ask out the first one and get past my own fears in the first place. It took me untill she practically asked me out, but I did it. It seemed like perhaps my waiting and my dispair were finally over. she was quick to love, she was fun to be with, she was cheerfull (most of the time). I was with her for about a month, and it was bliss, completely.

then because of circumstances, I wasn't able to see her for a week. not that bad, I could have made it through it, but because of other circumstances, I got weird, my emotions got messed up, I went wacky. I just wanted to see her and vent a bit and get all my troubles out, and was just trying to survive till wednesday when I could see her and be done with my moment of despair. then we couldn't meet wednesday. then it was friday we could meet. between wednesday and friday I went from extremely sad, to very hyperactive, to crying, to hyperactive again, in pretty quick succesion. I was even beginning to scare myself. but then she couldn't do anything on friday. so we were gonna see on saturday, and she ditched me to hang with friends at the mall. needless to say I went berzerk on her. she said she forgave me for it but.......

the next day she ends it. says "oh your a great guy, I really like you, your just too good for me, I just can't continue this. I have a big problem witha commitment, and by entering a relationship with you, I should have been willing to spend time with you, but I didn't, and I just think this would be bad." 1 week!!!! monday she had been like "think of me naked!!! goodnight" and telling my best friend she wanted me in her. now she doesn't think it's such a good idea. I told her I was a crazy person that last week, that I didn't demand such a commitment, I was just out of my mind. and besides, when you come across someone or something that's too good for you you count yourself damn well blessed to have it, you dont' leave it to die in a ditch. so I asked her what the real reason was? who is it she was leaving me for? "well that's not entirely it" she says.

so later on, I get home and I'm talking to her best friend who says ya know, she's being a real bitch about this, I'm really mad at her for it, I told her it was a bad Idea to leave you. It really is her fault. she has a long history of boyfriends who dont last very long, cause she's got problems. my best friend says he talked to chelsea and she said there really was no other guy, she was just afraid of her own commitment problems, and didn't want to end up cheeting on me or osmehting equally hurtfull.

now it's been two weeks (almost) since she dumped me. since then, I have been a complete mental and emotional wreck. all the shit I hate about myself, all my insecurities, all the stuff I thought I had rid myself of are coming back to bite me. I can't bring myself to even think of moving on, I'm back to being a "corpse with a mouth" I'm breaking down crying in the middle of school, and I'm afraid of becoming that crazy guy that's never happy for the rest of my life if I can't shake this black mood that's gripping me. I haven't got the strength to move on, I could't do it last time and I don't think I can do it this time. I've always looked to my friends for the strength I don't have, for support through times of trouble, to be my anchors when the storms of life blow hardest, but they can't help me with this, they can't bring her back, and they can't move me on. all they can offer is a comforting shoulder and a word or two like "once ur at the bottom it can't get any worse." well of coiurse it does. the same day I got dumped, I got fired, and then I got grounded, and now I'm getting a D in a class (my parents expect 3.0 or better this marking period) and my social life seems non-existant in a time when I need friends more than any other. and here I am just wishing I could get into a relationship that wasn't doomed to failure from the start, a relationship that I could leave having learned somehting about life and about love. instead, I just have meaningless sorrow, and I don't know how to end it. I don't know where else to turn to but to you...

[Tobias]

You talked to me already.

*wanders off*

[Shandriz]

Sweetie...it's not the end of the world. You're a great person, and it isn't your fault that girls in high school tend to be stupid and insecure. That's the way high school goes, really, from what I've heard-- I never really took part in that sort of thing when I was in school.

Life goes on. You'll meet someone better suited for you when it's right. Lord knows I'd been planning to remain single for the rest of my life and was fairly happy with that when my Shino-sama came along.

[Satine]

Agreed. High school girls (and guys, no offense) tend to be stupid and petty and not worth the time. There are a good number of them who aren't, but they're usually hard to find.
Life does go on. I know it seems hard, and lord knows sometimes it is. My freshman and sophomore years of HS were the toughest part of my life so far. But now that I'm in college, I am so much happier. You can get through this.
However, you might want to see a psychologist/psychiatrist or counselor. They can help you work through things and give you advice for the hard times. Also, they can diagnose and treat you for any mental health issues you may be having (or refer you to someone who can). Your rapid flipping between emotions (especially if it's happened before) sounds like ultradian rapid cycling, which sometimes happens in manic depression (bipolar disorder).
Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying that you have anything, only that there is a possibility you could. You could be perfectly fine, just experiencing the high school blues. I am by no means an expert or qualified to diagnose anyone. I'm just concerned. All I know comes from my own research and experiences being a 'mentally interesting' person.

I'm here anytime you want to talk. Just PM me.

[Amberhosen]

thank you, particularly tobias, I cannot begin to describe what has happened to me today, but it's good.

and, in reference to the rapid flipping of emotions, I know what it is:

when you have a few of many factors in play on you, including:
extreme stress
low blood sugar
sleep deprivation
low physical health
and a few others, it can cause something called "disinhibition" basically something goes wrong in your brain and you become incapable of mild emotions. little upsetting things make you cry, little annoying things make your blood boil, and the like. normally I'm a perfectly stable person.

but more importantly, thank you. this came in tandem with a prayer I made for the strength to survive, and now, it all seems so workable......in fact, I feel kinda dumb for overreacting so bad. ah well, thank you all.

[Tobias]

hey, don't feel bad...we all have our moments. I know my Dad suffers the same problem. Just remember that you've got friends here.

As the song states: "Let the good times role!"

[Satine]

Ok, that's good to hear. Like Tobs said, don't feel bad. We all have our moments. I know I'm guilty of the same thing. We're here whenever you need us.
Let the good times roll, indeed!

[Amberhosen]

well, so today I finally found out the REAL reason she left me. she's going back to her old boyfriend and friend of mine, Dan. because she decided she loved him and had for a long time and he was really hurting over her for a long time, and he's a good guy, I really think he is, but how am I supposed to great him? "hey dan, howzit going? you fucking my girl yet?" but it all seems so right. if that's who she's loved for a while, and he's really hurt over her, they should be together. so why the fuck did she get with me in the first place. god damnit this is just too fucked up for my taste. what the hell did I do to deserve this? nothing. I go out of my damned way to help people whenever I can, I have never conciously hurt someone, but I get repaid with this kind of shit?

[Girkon]

Welcome to love my fellow PO. Hard to achieve, even harder to understand, it'll hurt yes, things may seem crummy, but it's obvious you're a good person and you'll bounce back. There is more to life to see and experience, so with that it can help make things less sucky. Who knows maybe through the tragedy you'll find something even better.

[Tobias]

thems the breaks senor. Love hurts sometimes, and what can i say? It's just the way things are. Don't worry senor...we all have been in similar situations.

If ya need me...i'll be on AIM.