Going to try my hand at poetry

Excel Zero · Posted: Wed Feb 11, 2004 8:48 am Post subject: Going to try my hand at poetry

Sorry if this is sub par, just from the heart

the competitor

I was the one,
out in the freezing cold,
in the rain, thunder, lighting,
and where were you?
Passing by, laughing from you car

I was the one,
Practicing every day,
Self criticizing to perfection
And where were you?
Sitting in your lounger, letting life pass

I was the one,
Enjoying life in every way,
Seizing each day to the fullest,
And where were you?
Busy forgetting what passion is

I am the one,
Winning the race,
Feeling the fruits of my labor,
And where are you?
Still stuck in stagnation

I will be the one,
Forever racing,
Never letting go of the hope
And where will you be?
Watching me on TV

Excel Zero

This is written for all those people who laugh and snicker at me when I run for my life, my health, and my passion. Just remember I was the one.

Heh heh

Love ya’ll

Excel

Daijaga · Chosen of Luck Gender: Joined: 17 Dec 2003

I really really liked that. The ending is what ties the whole thing in. Kinda reminds me of how I felt when my freinds and I would bust ass on DDR for hours. Pricky kids would walk by and make fun of us, but it was always a small victory to walk outside, breathless and sweating from playing so long so hard, your legs weak from the rapid movement, to see them smoking a cigarette or something.

Surgeon General's Warning: Your a dumbass.

Excel Zero · Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 1:18 pm Post subject:

thank you!!! I really did like that. I mean I know I am not a good poet but I just let that one flow from what I really felt

Excel

Kiyomi · Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 9:34 pm Post subject:

I liked it so stop saying it was bad. Bleah.

Excel Zero · Posted: Tue Feb 24, 2004 9:37 pm Post subject:

did you really? Sorry I am not confident in my poetic skills

Excel

Kiyomi · Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 2:07 pm Post subject:

Yes, I honestly like it.

Excel Zero · Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 5:48 pm Post subject:

Thank you my love, I appreciate you fostering my feeble poems.

Happiness!!

I know one cat girl who's getting a big hug when I get home

Excel

Kiyomi · Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 6:30 pm Post subject:

*Giggles* I would definitely like that. Honestly, though, I rather liked it. It did have power behind it, and it was a very nice unrhyming poem. Don't ask me what style. I just write, I don't analize styles. The only styles I know are couplets and haiku.

Excel Zero · Posted: Wed Feb 25, 2004 6:33 pm Post subject:

Well either way thank you very much, maybe because of this I will try another one

Squeeee

Excel

Kajiru · Rookie Gender: Joined: 17 Feb 2004

i loved it..it was realy meaningfull and stuff.. i use to write poetry about a year ago but i tired of it cause i did it like everyday and wore me out. lol. but ..yea..its was great *thumbs up*