love life trouble, what else. got any advice?

Amberhosen · Rookie Gender: Joined: 12 Apr 2004

hehe, so then two months later she comes back to me, syas she made a mistake, and that she wanted a second chance. which I gave her, very very cautiously. and things went great, she was awesome, we were awesome together, and then yesterday, she confesses that she's lost all interest in guys. yes, that's right. she was Bi. now she's gay. and she says it happened a weekago and she's been trying to tell herself it's just a passing thing that she's still interested in me, and she says she wants to keep the relationship going, and just keep it strictly non physical. which I'm sorta cool with. it'll be odd having a girlfriend who I can't even snuggle with, but hey, I'll survive, and maybe this'll turn out to be a passing thing. but I'm not sure if this is really what she wants to do, cause I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't really want to be in it with me. and she says "what I want doesn't matter." which essentially means no, I don't, but I'm willing to stay in it for your sake. which, I have to admit, was kind of touching, in a really fucked up way, that she actually cared that much. but, when pressed, she admitted that she didn't think it would work out and wanted to be friends, and she was ever so sorry. and now what?! Edited: for those with a faint of heart...
My girlfriend has now determined that she is a lesbian after much soul searching. I still love her but now I have to give her up...Anyone have any advice?

Ultrawolf · Mr. Roarke Gender: Joined: 04 Jul 2003

I'm going to be frank.
If you love her, if you TRULY love this woman with all your heart you will let her live her life the way she wishes. Whether it's with you or not, you should know your place and respect her wishes. And if you love her you should support her and continue to be a good friend to her and not just a guy who wants to be with her. It's not always about You, in a relationship or out of one.

Tobias · *explodes* Age: 38 Gender: Joined: 17 Jan 2003

well, this is odd...she wants to keep waht you guys have, but remain non-physical.

It's kind of hard for a guy to do that with a girl when he knows that she's openly lesbian. I don't have anything wrong with that...but still, there's something up with that.

Honestly, listen to the Wolf: Let her live life as she chooses...but not for her sake...but for yours. It's kind of wacky to let yourself go through this man. Be a good friend to her, and be there for her...but honestly, you guys aren't a couple anymore.

Kudasai Hiroki · Posted: Sat Sep 16, 2006 8:28 pm Post subject:

Said advice is good. You may as well stop trying to convince yourself that it might be a passing phase. It's not. The longer you prolong this relationship the more traumatic the impending breakup will be. I don't mean to sound negative or tell you things you don't want to hear, but these relationships where people stay committed to each other but don't get intimate never work out. Eventually, no matter how much you try to tell yourself otherwise, you both will want something more that you can't get from each other.
Like UP said, best to break it off soon and remain good friends than to wait till it all falls painfully apart.

I don't wish pain or suffering upon either of you. In fact I wish you the best of luck retaining what sounds to me like a great friend. If she's willing to stay with you even though she has no intimate feelings for you is a true testimate of her loyalty to you!

I have no doubt she loves you, just doesn't sound like she loves you the way you love her. Sorry man.

But take heart! Friends as loyal and caring as her rarely if ever come along! You're lucky in more ways than you know!

Good luck dood!

Daijaga · Chosen of Luck Gender: Joined: 17 Dec 2003

I guess Im the only one here with the hard advice.

AH, you gotta buck up and grow some balls here. Nice guy didnt work, it time to lay down some ground rules, becuase frankly sometimes women need to hear things straight and concrete-like.

1. You love her. Love doesnt go away.

2. Its completly balls for her to jerk you around like a rag doll while she plays shy violet with her sexual perference (Bi, straight, you, some other guy, etc) and she needs to get HER shit figred out before she goes haphazardly wrapping up other peopel's hearts in HER mess. Im sure this has already put you and your friend Dan in an ackward position.

3. Its also balls for her to act like the two of you can just be friends. If she wants friends, she need a platonic girl friend or something, you've been emotionally involved wtih her and she cant selfish ask you to bury those feeling so she can just use the feelings she likes from you (friendship, kindness) and not the ones shes "done with" (love, affection). Your not Am_e_ho__en, Your Amberhosen - you deserve as a human being to be accepted as the whole deal or no deal at all.

4. Regardles of you relationship, let her know that the Amberhosen highway is fuckin closed. Youve been burned twice by her and regardless of how amiable it was or wasnt, your done. She more than anything else needs to know that, and understand it fully, so when her crazy little head is figuring out what she wants to be that week and she thinks of you, theres a big ass orange road cone saying [NO] right there. That kind of information will change how she considers her relationships entirly, as it is right now you alwyas the fallback boy in her mind. Your not a basketball court, dont be what she bounces off of, you deserve way better than that. Tell her than even if your friends, shes pretty permenently scarred you and your DONE as far as being together goes.

The hard part there is telling her No when and if she comes back to you. In one since you have to. She sounds like she need to be told no to.

Hope this is helpful.

-Dai.

kei · Posted: Sun Sep 17, 2006 11:35 am Post subject:

Shandriz has a good point there my friend, It's not the end, to add my own words in, I can say from my experience I've had countless failed relationships. All for a reason unknown because they all said they didn't have to give one. But now days I just don't sweat it, if it turns out good it turns out good, if it turns out bad then it turns out bad, it just means thier not the one. It's the way destiny's little sister fate works. I use to get my hopes up on girls as well, but I kept getting crushed in the process so I stopped worrying about it and like shandriz said, it's not the end of the world. Once I got that through my head I was like, "it just wasnt meant to be" and I continued on. Just remember don't worry about relationships to much, the one your looking for will come when you least exspect it and it will blow you out of the water. ^_-

and in the words of a very well known song
"Don't worry, be happy"

Tobias · *explodes* Age: 38 Gender: Joined: 17 Jan 2003

wow...dai went into Berzerker mode.

Now, while that is a way to put things, the only problem with that is that's what some like to call "Burning Bridges." Now, Dai has a point: You have been toyed around with by this girl. I personaly don't think that you should take the extreme route of Dai and torch everything to the ground. I do think she needs to be told "no."

It's your ball senor, and it's in your court. Do the right thing in your opinion