RedVsBlue Favorite quotes!

[MitchellTF]

Don't forget....

*Griff sees that the distress signal came from Blood Gulch*

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Simmons: He's been like that for hours...
Griff: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Griff: If Sarge has a job, I'm not doing it. That would require work. It's not like Sarge needs me to help him eat doughnuts...

Sarge: Did Griff want to help me eat these doughnuts?

[MitchellTF]

* Fade in to Church, Simmons and Tucker running up to Grif in Blood Gulch *

Grif: Hey you're back, how'd the Humpday thing go?

Simmons: Uhhmmmmm...

Church: Oh it went great, as long as you weren't on our team.

Grif: So you lost.

Church: Yeah, unless there's some new game type where you're supposed to catch the most amount of bullets with your torso. In which case, Simmons was the clear victor.

Simmons: What the hell! You were the one who was supposed to have all these great strategies!

Church: Well if you people had listened to me while we were out there, maybe we would have won a game.

* Wavy cut back in time to the Humpday challenge in the future *

Church: Alright men, they're coming up the right flank! This is our chance, formation pattern Delta!

Simmons: (in a girly voice) I'm scared, and I peed my pants, and I don't wanna die in my peepee pants!

* Cut back to Blood Gulch to prevent any further embarassment *

Simmons: That's not what happened.

Church: I think that's a very, accurate, portrayal.

Simmons: That wasn't even my voice!

Church: Well let's just agree to disagree.

Simmons: Okay, the real problem, was that the weapons had all changed slightly, and we had never used them before.

Grif: How were the weapons different? Did they shoot fire or something?

Church: No.

Grif: Were the triggers in a different place?

Church: Noh.

Grif: Wait, were the guys from Bungie using the same weapons as you?

Church: Yes.

Grif: Well I can see how you'd think it was a legitimate excuse. Hey, next time you guys go out of town to embarass the crap out of us, why don't you let me tag along. I'm great at losing, I could be one of our All Stars.

Simmons: I'm so ashamed.

Grif: Why isn't he saying anything?

Church: Uh, well let's just put it this way, there were some side-bets before the match, and Tucker's mouth now belongs to someone else's balls.

Tucker: ...I don't wanna talk about it.

[MitchellTF]

* Fade in on Simmons and Grif looking up at a building with unlit Christmas lights on it *

Simmons: Okay Tucker, hit it!

Tucker: Okay.

* Sound of failed electricity, and the lights come on... dimly *

Grif: That looks perfect! Merry Christmas buddy.

Simmons: Perfect?! That looks like crap. Half o' the lights are burned out.

Grif: I meant perfect by our standards.

Simmons: Gah, this sucks.

Grif: That's not the holiday spirit, Simmons!

Simmons: Holidays? Christmas is about snow and family and turkey. Not a bunch of busted lights and drinking Donut's egg nog out of an old oil can.

Sarge: No Donut, for the last time, I don't wanna know what the secret ingredient is!

Grif: Simmons, holidays are when you think about more than just your own wants and needs.

Tucker: Yeah. You should be thinking of people less fortunate than you. And that makes you feel better, because those suckers are chumps. And who wants to be a chump?

Grif: No-body. Chumps are a bunch of punks.

Simmons: But what about our missing friends, like Lopez, and your buddy Church? Don't you remember last year when we were all together back home? It was swell.

Tucker: Miss Church... Do you remember last year?

* Creative camera effect to change scenes to the tree in Blood Gulch, done up with a handful of christmas ornaments *

Simmons: Well, uhgh, it's not much Grif, but it's ours. Merry Christmas, old buddy.

* Sniper shot takes out one of the ornaments *

Simmons: What the hell?

Grif: Hey!

Church: (holding a sniper rifle) Oops! Looks like you lost one of your ornaments, pricks! I guess this year it's not "Ho Ho Ho," it's just... "Ho Ho!"

* Church fires the sniper rifle again *

Church: Booya!

Simmons: Cut that out, asshole!

Grif: Yeah!

Church: Oh! Now you got just one ho!

Tucker: I wish I had just one-

Church: Oh shut the fuck up, Tucker.

Tucker: What, that was gonna be funny.

* Creative camera effect to change scenes to Caboose, Donut and Church standing somewhere *

Caboose: Aaand this year, I'm going to ask Santa for, a pony. ...And a cowboy.

Church: I think there's something you should know about Santa. Come here.

* Church walks over to Caboose *

Church: (whispering) Whisper whisper boyfriend whisper whisper.

Caboose: No!

Church: (whispering) Yeah he used to be a chick, too. Whisper whisper.

Caboose: Noooo!!! (runs off)

Church: Oh, where ya going? Hey, you really want a pony, I got something I could put down your throat. That'll make you a little hoarse. Heh heh heh. (to Donut) What're you lookin' at?

* Creative camera effect to change scenes to Tucker and Church near Sheila *

Tucker: Hey Church, I'm still trying to figure out what to get Caboose.

Church: Christmas is in seven hours moron.

Tucker: I know. If you wait until last minute you get all the good deals.

Church: Ah just get everybody the same thing, that's what I did.

Tucker: Let me guess. Everyone's getting a lump of coal.

Church: Fuck no, you know how much coal costs? Like five bucks a ton! I'm not spending that much on you losers! You're all gettin' a lump of smoal.

Tucker: What's smoal?

Church: It's a knockoff synthetic coal. It's just as good as the real thing, except when you burn it it doesn't make any heat, just makes smoke.

Tucker: Huh, what? How does it make smoke with no heat?

Church: How the fuck do I know? Ask the fine makers of smoal.

* Creative camera effect to change scenes to the red team in their base *

Sarge: I have some bad news, fellas. I just got a memo from Command.

Grif: What is the war over or somethin'?

Sarge: No, even worse. Apparently Santa has signed an exclusive deal with the Blue team. He's gonna be wearing a blue Santa suit for the next five years.

Simmons: Are you sure that someone from Blue team didn't send that as a joke?

Sarge: No Simmons, we're definitely on the naughty list for the foreseeable future.

Simmons: Come on, are you sure about this?

Sarge: Of course! It came from Command! It's signed by a, Korporal Dick Goesinya. Wait a second! Corporal isn't spelled with a K!

* Creative camera effect to change scenes to Tucker next to the tree, with a present under it, and Church *

Tucker: Church, it hasn't been the best holiday, but I think I found the perfect gift for you. Merry Christmas buddy.

Church: I thought we agreed not to get each other anything this year.

Tucker: No we didn't!

Church: Oh. Well, maybe I'm mistaken.

Tucker: Mistaken? You specifically told me to get you something.

Church: I did?

Tucker: You gave me a catalog with stuff circled in it.

Church: Huh. Doesn't ring a bell.

Tucker: You set a budget for us, between three hundred and three fifty.

Church: Oh well, I guess it's just one of those things.

Tucker: Fuck you, I'm keeping it.

Church: Tucker, isn't Christmas the season of giving-Holy Shit, blue Santa!

Tucker: (turning) Where? (turns back to see the present gone) Aw crap.

* Creative fade back to Simmons Tucker and Grif in the future *

Simmons: Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe it's better that Church isn't here this year.

Tucker: Yeah, Christmas is the one day of the year you should never miss Church.

Church: Ah, forget it douchebags! You're all still gettin' lumps of smoal!

Tucker: Ah crap.

[MitchellTF]

Church: Hey Sarge? You know that Sundance Film Festival thing we're going to?

Sarge: 'Course I do. You were s'posed to book the hotel rooms for that.

Church: Uh yeah, that was too expensive so I had to make other arrangements.

Sarge: What? How much was the hotel?

Church: Twelve thousand dollars.

Sarge: What does that break down to per day?

Church: That is per day.

Sarge: So where're we staying?

Church: Some place rustic, you know, with a real "authentic Utah" feel. It's called Colorado.

Sarge: We don't want authentic! We're gonna be hob-gobbing with Hollywood types! The only thing they have in common with people from Utah are multiple wives!

[kei]

Sarge:Kaboose, come over here and give me a boost.
Kaboose: Oh sure sarge, you are a very nice person.
Sarge: not a moral boost you morron a physical boost.
*kaboose gets on sarges shoulders*
Sarge: Ok kaboose, what do you see.
*looks around*
Kaboose: Well, there's a ceiling, a floor four walls and a window i'm looking through.
Sarge: yes yes, what else do you see kaboose?
*looks down sees tons of blue men*
Blue men: KILL THE REDS KILL THE REDS!
Kaboose: You are not going to like this sarge.
_________________
Dounut:, Ah look at me look apond me I have the flag you will now you will look apon me as if i were a god!
*gets shot*
dounut: ahyeh, I regret nothing, i live on to see those who dream...
_________________________
Church: Hi everybody how you doin?
Kaboose: I - am so happy- that - you.. m-a-d-e it in time to die with me. We will get to be smithereins together!