The Fallen Paladin Chapter 1

[Blackmage]

Well I've started work on chapter one, it's rather wierd writing once again as it's something I rarely do. It felt quite nice though to get some of this on "paper"


As she prepared her fathers gear Tetra felt the festival in the air in the city of Cenaria. Today was the big day of the yearly tournament for gladiators of the Northern Kingdoms of Zalander, Altis, and Xanthou. Cenaria was the largest port city in Altis. It had been the center of commerce for the Northern Kingdoms ever since the end of the Great War.
Tetra’s father was once the leader of the Cenaria’s army. He was known as the greatest fighter in all of Altis for his feats in the war. The man knew every inch of the city and could fight a dozen men single handedly without breaking a sweat. His favorite weapon was his sword the Swift Blade, a magical weapon given to him by the late king of Altis while tension was high between the Northern Kingdoms before the war. The Swift Blade was a 6’ broad sword. The weapon magically increased the wielders speed by three fold and was as light and nimble as a short sword.
Tetra’s father Gerrith was slated to win the tournament this year just as he has every year since it’s inception at the Festival of Peace held shortly after the end of the Great War to celebrate the end of the war and the entrance into a new time of peace. As the former champion of the tournament Gerrith rarely fought more than the final exhibitions with monsters and the final rounds of the tournament.
As Tetra looked around she heard the sound of the trumpets playing the all to familiar sound of the tournament’s start. She finished readying her father’s gear for battle and packed it up so that she could carry it to the coliseum for him. Her and her father entered the arena through the gladiator’s entrance on the back side of the coliseum. A trip to the coliseum was a grand adventure as it was the largest building within Altis. The outside was made of white marble and marbled floored hallways within. The cities aqueduct system supplied it with fresh water, all of the roads eventually led to it, and the coliseum itself could hold 100,000 people.
Tetra and Gerrith always received special treatment while at the tournament. They were allowed to sit in the king’s booth during the tournament which few people outside of royalty ever got to experience. From here they sat a mere twenty feet above the sand of the coliseum’s arena floor. It was a great view everything was large and close and there was nobody to get in the way of the view.
As they sat there watching the tournament Tetra glowed with excitement as she knew it would soon be her father’s turn to fight. Watching her father fight has always been her favorite thing in the world. She would gladly pass up anything just for a chance to watch him fight. She one day wanted to be a great fighter just like him and able to take on anything and everything.

[Stingdragon]

Very informative but it would be nice to know were the girl was in the beginning.

[Keslyn]

w00t for Tetra!!!! She deserves to sit in the kings box!!!

[Daijaga]

Notes!

Spell "One-hundred thousand" or use an allussion, "[could hold] nearly the entire cities population, and then a few."

A crap ton of proper nouns in the first paragraph, spread that information out a bit, so the reader has more time to digest it.

Another idea is to open with a narritive describing some of the tournament fanfare, the reason for the tournament, and use Tetra's innermonologue for how she relates to these things personally.

Zooming in is good technique for an introduction. Like a magnifying glass, you can start with a big picture, (The Northern Kingdoms), then zoom in in steps (Altis, Cenaria, The Tournament, Tetra).

Sorry If I come off strong, I just assume that if people post here, they're looking for honest advice from friends as opposed to simple kudos.

[Blackmage]

Thats for the input so far... it's what I was looking for... this is my actual first time really trying to write anything... so I'm just looking for input on what to change.

I also have the issue that I've played waaayyy to many RPGs and not read enough books.