JOKE OF THE DAY!! - dun worry! be happy!

[Skylah]

What is marketing?

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you
says, "He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her
and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she
drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich...?
That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback

When I was younger, I tried the first 5 methods, and it did not work. However #6 happened all the time. So I gave up and had an arranged marriage :

Somebody tells you that there is a gorgeous girl somewhere
You see the photograph
She sees the photograph
My mother tells me to marry her
Her mother tells her to marry me
I am not rich, but she marries me anyway
I was supposed to get rich suddenly, but it didn’t happen
That’s Referential Marketing

[SluggerGirl]

That's cute

[Skylah]

Little Johnny

Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the class and can't stop laughing.
The principle walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing.
He says, "Little Johnny what are you doing sitting here laughing?"
Little Johnny says, "I farted in class and the teacher threw me out."
The principle says, "Well then why are you laughing?"
Little Johnny says, "Cause the dumb idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart and they put me outside in this beautiful weather."
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The Sunday School teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?"
"No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."
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Little Johnny went to the store with his grandmother. On the way home, he looked through her bags to see what she had purchased.
In one package, Little Johnny found some panty hose and he began to sound out the words "Queen Size."
He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look Grandma, you wear the same size as our bed!"
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Little Johnny got on a bus and sat down next to a man. He noticed that the man had a strange kind of shirt collar, so he asked him, "Excuse me, sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"
The man smiled kindly and answered, "I wear this collar because I am a "Father."
Little Johnny thought a second and responded, "Sir,I have a father, but he wears his collar the other way around. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"
The priest thought for a minute, and said, "I am the Father for many."
Little Johnny quickly answered, "My father, too, is the father of many. He has four sons, four daughters and many grandchildren. But he wears his collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear yours backwards?"
The priest, flustered, said impatiently, "I am the Father for hundreds and hundreds of people."
Little Johnny sat silently for a long time. As he got up to leave the bus, he leaned over to the priest and said, "Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards?"
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When Little Johnny's family moved into a new double wide trailer one of their former neighbors dropped by.
Seeing Johnny out front, he asked, "So, how do you like your new place?"
"It's terrific," Little Johnny answered. "I have my own room, my brother has his own room, and my sister has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad."
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"Hey Mom," asked Johnny "can you give me twenty dollars"
"Certainly not."
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mothers ears perked up and grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.'"

[Reverend]

Now that's what I call funny

[Selrahc the Evil]

these are all pretty funny.
also thanks for cheering me up today sometimes all it takes is a vew good jokes.

[Lanfear57]

heeheeheeheeheeheehee

ive got one

at an airport there was a delay, and the flight attendant came and said, ok the pilot will be here in just a few minutes.
a few moments later, two men come on the plane. one has a dog on a leash, and the other is tapping about with a cane.
the passengers, doubtful that these are the pilots, look at each other and laugh a little, but surely enough, the men go into the cockpit.
soon after, they head down the runway. the passengers are really nervous, and when it looks like they are about to run straight into the fast-approaching lake, they start screaming.
the plane suddenly lifts in to the air, and everyone relaxes.
in the cockpit, the pilot turns to the copilot and says;
you know, bob, one of these days theyre going to scream too late and we're all going to die

[SluggerGirl]

It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The graveside was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man
who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions..

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough: plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.


:drool2:

[SluggerGirl]

ROSE BUDS & HANGING BASKETS
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a very sheer
blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to
dare go out like that! The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are
modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!" and out she goes. The
next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting
there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her
grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not
appropriate... The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can
show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

[Lanfear57]

thats terrific!!!

[SluggerGirl]

Oh, I have a ton more....I'll post some up later...I've been such a slacker today at work, it's not even funny.... But, it's been very fun!