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Message |
PO Info |
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Minosheep
Doesn't get a custom rank.
Age: 36
Gender: 
Joined: 27 Oct 2002 |
 Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2003 11:40 pm Post subject: Dust |
Wrote this song for my friend's band. Took me about ten minutes, and it isn't too great, but whatever.
Dust
You've shown me
everything
Why haven't I
learned anything?
Why do we
do nothing
at all?
Feebly, we strive,
but everything
and everyone
Seems lost, far away
and nothing
and noone
Helps anything
or anyone
AT ALL!
You're nothing but dust
so blow away
and go away
Just get away
from me.
You're nothing but dust
so blow away
and go away
And get away
FROM ME!
Our cries aren't heard
by anyone.
I want to tell
you everything.
But all you can hear
is nothing
at all!
So now we're lost
in everything
And everyone
Is gone, yet we're here.
Can't anyone
or anything
change?
But all that'll change
is nothing
and noone
AT ALL!
I'm nothing but dust
I've blown away
I've gone away
So get away
from me!
I'm nothing but dust
I've blown away
and gone away
Now get away
FROM ME!
We're nothing but dust
we'll blow away
we'll go away
We're nothing but dust!
We've blown away!
We've gone away!
Now come away
WITH ME! |
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Terin
Huzzah!
Gender:
Joined: 27 Oct 2003 |
| Posted: Sun Nov 23, 2003 1:01 am Post subject: |
coolies, kinda linkin park-y. IO like the way you signified the louder parts using caps. I envisioned a 5-year-old singing it. It's catchy. Maybe I should sing it to the tune, "That thing you do."
j/k it's cool. it does remind me of LP though |
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(370 - 400) |
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Minosheep
Doesn't get a custom rank.
Age: 36
Gender:
Joined: 27 Oct 2002 |
| Posted: Sun Nov 23, 2003 1:32 am Post subject: |
The second person who's told me that.
Hmmm... |
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Wins 44 - Losses 45
Level 10 |
EXP: 8909
HP: 1835
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STR: 325
END: 755
ACC: 920
AGI: 1400
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FireGuardian and Bloodreign (Blades)
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Alorox
Avaskata?
Gender:
Joined: 19 Nov 2003 |
| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2003 12:42 am Post subject: |
Very cool man... I'm really digging the alliteration during the chorus... And the dust metaphor... verrry nice...
If I were you though, I'd add in a nice descriptive adjective here and there... To make the reader (or listener) really have to think about what your talking about...
But that's just my style of writing... You write however you want to man.
and... Do you have the music to go along with it yet? |
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Minosheep
Doesn't get a custom rank.
Age: 36
Gender:
Joined: 27 Oct 2002 |
| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2003 1:21 am Post subject: |
I was kind of picturing Chevelle singing it. The melody's meant to be broken, so there can't be that many adjectives or it'll sound weird. |
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Wins 44 - Losses 45
Level 10 |
EXP: 8909
HP: 1835
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STR: 325
END: 755
ACC: 920
AGI: 1400
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FireGuardian and Bloodreign (Blades)
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Alorox
Avaskata?
Gender:
Joined: 19 Nov 2003 |
| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2003 2:10 am Post subject: |
Yeah, you've got a point... Don't mind me, I'm an adjective junkie.
I was kind of looking at it from a poetic perspective instead of a lyrical one there for a second... Lyrics really tend to be a lot simpler than poetry, so they can go along nicely with the given song... Poems can just go off on they're own and not really have to worry about that rhythmic perfection... So I understand your reasoning.
Regaurdless of my pointless babble, they're good lyrics. 
I love Chevelle by the way... |
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Minosheep
Doesn't get a custom rank.
Age: 36
Gender:
Joined: 27 Oct 2002 |
| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2003 5:19 pm Post subject: |
Chevelle is t3h rox0r. |
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Wins 44 - Losses 45
Level 10 |
EXP: 8909
HP: 1835
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END: 755
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reaper
I miss you Shar
Gender:
Joined: 28 Dec 2002 |
| Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2003 5:23 pm Post subject: |
| Terin wrote: | | it does remind me of LP though |
man why you gotta insult the guy  |
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All religion is a defense against a religious experience - Carl Jung
The power of philosophy floats through my head, light like a feather, heavy as lead - Bob Marley
The pioneers of a warless world are the youth that refuse military service - Albert Einstein |
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Level 22 |
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Selrahc the Evil
true Evil's creator
Joined: 18 Mar 2003 |
| Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2003 1:57 pm Post subject: |
wow great lyrics. but I'm not much of a muscic guy so I can't offer any advise. great job though. |
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~Selrahc~ |
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