Regarding Anger...

[Therin]

First. No matter how real it may or may not seem, this is a work of complete fiction. I pray I'll never get this angry...

Typical day on the register. Well...Not quite typical. Lines are longer than usual, particularly mine, which stretches back into the shopping aisle in front of my "cubicle." Bannanas; Stouffer's; and Big Sal, Queen of Soul Food sliding across the reader like boxes across a factory floor. The usual (for me) chatter with my current customer.

"It's because I'm green, isn't it."

"I-What?"

"Nothing...Just a long day ahead of me..."

"Yeah, I'll bet. The store is packed today!"

"I know it. Everybody has to come and get their Bread, Milk, and Toilet Paper just in case we get eighty-nine inches more than they think we will. What really gets me is the milk, though. I mean, I can understand bread because, well, it's bread; and I can understand toilet paper because who wants to be stuck for a month with no toilet paper? But Milk? I mean, if you're in for a long haul, I can understand you buying a lot, but there are two problems with that. First, you're not in for a long haul, and second, milk doesn't last very long! I mean, no matter how much you buy, it's all going to go bad after, what, two weeks? Less? I mean, there's no way that any family can possibly go through four gallons of milk in two weeks!"

"Four gallons!"

"I kid you not. I have seen many people come through here with four gallons or more of milk. You know, there's a saying among cashiers here. It goes 'He who predicts foul weather shall suffer untimely doom by my hand.' Honestly, though, I think they pay the weathermen to up their estimates. I mean, if you look at the Weather Channel, they're calling for two to four, whereas if you check the local stations they've upped it to six to ten. Now, I realize that it's good overall for the company, but what about those of us who have to work the floor on those days? It's hell! Here's your receipt, and enjoy your night!

"Hi, how are you doing to-"

"I'm hoping you'll ring me up instead of bitching about the job."

"Oh...Okay."

Shit. This guy was obviously bad news. Please don't let me screw up...
"I'm sorry...It's just that it's so boring and monotonous, doing this all day. If I don't find some way to pass the time, I'll probably fall-"

"What did I tell you about bitching?"

Crap. "Hey, I'm sorry, man, I just would rather pass the time than sit here and stare off into space."

"Should I care? Just shut up and run my groceries."

"Alright, look man," I've stopped ringing by now and am giving him my full attention, "If you've had a bad day, I understand, but that's no reason to come here and jump down my throat right out of the gates. I'm really not that much slower when I'm talking, and I'm only trying to make it a little easier on myself, and on you, for that matter. I mean, think of it this way," I begin to slip back into the rythm again, "You're not getting out of here in the next thirty seconds anyway, no matter how fast I go, so would you rather spend it staring around and stewing over whatever ruined your day, or making idle conversation to help pass the time?"

"I would rather you ran my goddamn groceries so I can get out of this shithole!"

Oh jesus...This is getting bad real quick. "Hey, man, there's children right behind you! Don't you have any respect?"

"Don't you talk to me about respect, you shit-eating fuckwad. Just ring up my fucking groceries and shut the fuck up."

"Okay, I'm calling the manager, man, because you're just getting out of control." I reach out to ding my bell and he does the unthinkable. He physically leans over the belt and shoves me backward, into the partition and the counter behind me.

I've told this to many people over the course of my rambling conversations. I don't get angry. There ain't a lot in this world that really bothers me. I have, for all practical purposes, infinite patience, especially when I'm at the register. The thing I never tell anyone is that I am about as tolerant of stupidity and senselessness as a hornet is of a bee in it's nest. I don't get angry. It doesn't happen often, but when something triggers me I go straight from comic, unassuming buffonery to pure, white-hot wrath without stopping in between. I grabbed the nearest thing to hand on the rear counter and backhanded him across the face with it. He had a good six inches and one hundred pounds on me, but he staggered backward under the blow.

"You touch me again, I'll kill you." I said coldly. And I meant it. If he pushed it any further, one of us was going to die today. Everything else was blotted out by red on the edges of my vision. All there was was this asshole with an attitude and the blunt object in my hand.

He regained his balance and stared at me in astonishment. That's right, dick. Look at me. I could tear you to pieces in ten seconds and you don't even realize it.

He moved. I recieved a solid blow across my right jaw. Stars flitted across the edges of my vision, but they were blotted out by the red. Faster than even I had thought possible, he was on the ground. I was on top of him and the blunt object was between us, grinding down on his neck. I lifted it and smashed it across his face again, spraying blood on the tiles beside me. The blood didn't show on the object. It was already red. A belt divider, so that people could put multiple orders on the same belt. I brought it down and put all my weight on it, cutting off the man's breath and probably crushing his windpipe. He struggled feebly and I glorified in the pure visceral pleasure of it all. His struggles grew less, and his eyes began to glaze over. Someone was coming toward me from the left. I looked up and she flinched, froze at what she saw in my eyes. Motion stopped all together. I looked back down at the limp body beneath me. Something inside snapped back into place, and my eyes widened. I looked up at my manager.

"Call the police. I think I just killed a man..." And then I fainted.

[Sperrit]

... Over groceries?
See, if it was something like... really good deli... then I could get behind it. But bread and milk and stuff? It just doesn't do it for me.
However, that aside, very well writen, very interesting. Nice job, man!

Join the Fun

[Therin]

Over respect, and senseless antagonism. Like I said, that's probably the only thing that really makes me mad. What I described here, the complete loss of control, has happened to me two times in my nineteen years of life that I can remember. The first time, I think I was thirteen or fourteen and my little brother locked me out of the house. Other people lived there, like my father and step-siblings, but every time I went to a window to ask for help, there he was, laughing at me and keeping me out of sight. When I finally managed to get in I think I nearly strangled him to death. This was my little brother, mind you, maybe ten years old. The second time was when I spent the weekend with my friend. He hurt me all weekend and on the last day, I lost it and hit him with a golf club. Needless to say, I don't talk to him anymore. They say everyone has a dark side, and that's mine. I'm usually, if not calm, mostly in control of myself, and it is an extremely rare occurance when I get angry, but when I do, I cannot say what might happen. I honestly believe that I might end up killing someone, or even multiple people if I don't keep myself in check, and that is part of the reason I write. But it is a harrowing thought to think that I might have thirty more years to restrain myself before I lose the physical ability to do something like that. I guess this piece serves as a warning. Wish me luck...

[Daijaga]

Man, that was really really intense. I really liked the story and I can identify with your sentiment about having a dark side. Although I can't recall a time I've been put into that position, I feel like I could snap like that sometimes. Its kind of darkly comforting to know you've got something like that in you. I have to deal with people like that a lot at my work and so I really identify with having nearly legendary patience.

Anyway, the peice was so good I made my wife sit down and read it. Do you mind if I e-mail that to a couple of friends, as long as proper credit is givin?

[Therin]

I'm flattered. Feel free!

[Tobias]

whoa...holy shiznatch! Remind me never EVER to push u when u are working!

Amazing man...just amazing. Leaves me wanting to bludgeon someone to death

As for me ever reaching that kind of level...its never happened before. Im just scared to see what happens when i go into that mode of being...i think i WOULD kill someone...

[Therin]

hehe not to worry. I don't think you're enough of a prick to make me angry. To my knowledge, there's no one on PO who is :p

[Ultrawolf]

Kinda reminds me of the quote in my signature

[Sperrit]

I believe the general theory is that all of us pocess that certain line that, when crossed, we become violent towards those that have violated that line. The main difference would, of course, be where that line lies, and how violently we react when that line is crossed. Your pocession of that line is not anything unnatural, and you show great maturity in your recognition of that line and your fear of the consequences of crossing it. With this knowledge you will have little to fear from yourself. However, one has to question where that great rage comes from, because it does seem to be in excess.

Join the Fun

[Silver Adept]

That incredible rage? Oh, I know where it comes from. We all actually have it, it just takes the right combination to release it.

Its a good piece, very realistic, and reminds me of what I could do if things went wrong.