A loss...

[Therin]

She was beautiful. Hair of fiery red that matched her passionate personality. Slender, but not unhealthily so, and artistically graceful. Her eyes were deep green, almost black, bottomless pools of emotion that I was often content to lose myself within. Small mouth, and a perky little nose that always wrinkled when she laughed. Her laugh was like the chiming of crystal bells, and hearing it made my heart swell with love. People often thought she was smart, but she wasn't so much intelligent as she was perceptive. She was so sensitive to people's moods, it was like she was almost telepathic. She had a will. She was more willful than anyone else I have ever known, but at the same time, she knew when she was right, and when she was chasing a pipe dream. She would dream at night...Tossing and turning, often crying out in her sleep. I always wondered what she dreamt about, but whenever I asked she avoided the question, changing the topic or directing it back at me. I didn't mind. I loved her, more than anything in the world, and I figured as long as she was happy, that was enough. I learned how to quiet her nighttime struggles. I simply rolled sideways and embraced her protectively, and her thrashings ceased.
We were moving up in the world. She had an immense talent with a potter's wheel, and was beginning to recieve acknowledgement from her peers. I was a software developer for Wildwood, Inc. and my salary was rising comfortably. We had been thinking about moving into a larger home, and starting a family, for a long time. Just the other day, she had given me the wonderful news. I was going to be a father!

I smiled to myself as I climbed the six flights to our apartment. It was good exercise, and if not for those six flights of stairs, I probably would have long ago become another obese American taking up half the elevator and driving a huge SUV to work every day. After two years, I barely broke a sweat climbing these stairs. I smiled wider to myself at the thought of what was in my briefcase. Brochures for a housing complex on the outer suburbs of the city, a cozy little house, not huge like most of them were nowadays, just right for two young people and a newborn child. It was a nice neighborhood, full of families with children, instead of old conservatives who would constrict the abilities of a child to play. My heart soared once again at the thought. I was going to be a father!

I heard sirens screeching past, but then, in this part of the city, there were almost always sirens screeching past. I went to retrieve the key to our apartment, but stopped when I saw something taped to the doorknob. A note. The contents froze my insides with fear.

I'm sorry, John,
I just couldn't
take it anymore.
I love you, John,
more than anything.
I'm sorry.

~Lynn

I fumbled with the key, got it into the lock, and burst through the door into the apartment, searching wildly for anything out of place. Nothing. The kitchen. Nothing. The Bedroom. Noth-

The sliding door to the small patio was open. The patio was empty. Deafening sirens shrieked up at me from below. Terrified, I leaned over the rail and looked down.

Six stories below. Lying on the ground. Red hair sprayed around her head like a halo. Green eyes open. Looking up at me. But they would never see anything again.

I backed into the bedroom, tripped and fell on the bed. Our bed. I rolled frantically off and clawed my way across the floor into the living room. Our living room. I curled up against the door, and screamed as waves of pain, loss, and sorrow overtook the shock that had paralyzed my mind. I screamed from deep within, a primal roar of the tearing of my insides, of my mind, of my soul. Then, drained, I lay there in a fetal curl, shivering and sobbing.

[BWS-1]

...

I ended up shivering and sobbing after reading it all

Good story, even tho I don't really like feeling sad but I don't know, wow. very good story. I hope it's not a true story.

[emmy]

it makes me cry...

[Suna-chan]

o-o

that's so horribly sad....it just....><

you better keep going... ._.

[Doot]

A powerful piece. It gave me goosebumps and you just ache after it!

[starlitdancer]

Predictable, but this is still a good piece. You describe the scene convincingly.

[Mika]

Wow... thats written really well. Descriptive and touching. Good job

[mikeypants]

I fail to see her motivation for comitting suicide. I mean everything else you wrote seemed to indicate that thier life was indeed quite good for them and was only getting better.

From what you wrote, I see no reason for the outcome as it was. I think you needed to flesh out her character a little more to display the real reasons and problems that where troubling her and give the reader some hint of what was to come or simply to give her an m.o.

PS. Very skilliful use of description.

[reaper]

I agree with mike other than she had bad dreams there didn't seem to be a reason.

It was well written though and even made me a bit sad.

[Therin]

Well, the way it was in my head was that she was deeply clinically depressed, maybe bipolar or something, but I guess that didn't work its way into the writing.
*shrug* It happens.