Another ARGH thread....thing...

[Bumblebee]

So Fleer paid me...but hasn't paid the others...so now I look like a dick for getting my 1k. Wee.
Not only that, but I seriously think I'm THROUGH with TRYING anymore. This is the UMPTEENTH time I've had plans cancelled, and the UMPTEENTH time I've realized that I'm being shoved more and more in the back by most people. I've done my fair share of trying to keep in contact with a SHITLOAD of people over the summer, until up to the beginning of October- then I just stopped. I'm so TIRED of trying to be a "friend" now. I'm just sick of it.
Yeah, sure, I'm bitching and whining and complaining, but I'm SERIOUSLY sick of this shit. I'm tired of having to sit here and ask "Why aren't you talkin to me?" to NUMEROUS people in AND out of state- and COUNTRY, might I add, and I've come to the conclusion it's because no one wants to. I'm just not "important" to SO many people anymore.
People in THIS state ESPECIALLY have a shitload of my anger upon them. I make plans SO MANY TIMES with people only to get them TURNED DOWN at the LAST. FUCKING. SECOND. Normally, that wouldn't bother me, but get that happening about...oh...once or twice, or, let's say, FIVE TIMES a fucking WEEK, then it becomes annoying. Yeah, yeah, five times only happened ONE WEEK, but the point is that it shouldn't have even happened in that ONE WEEK.
I'm annoyed with TRYING to hang out with people- and I'm MORE SO annoyed that a few people seem to only be interested in me because they think I'll be some MAGICAL doorway for them to join comic companies. GAWD- NEWSFLASH to these people- I COLOR COMICS. I don't DRAW THEM. I don't WRITE THEM. I don't even INK THEM or even have any SAY as to who joins Dreamwave or who doesn't. MAN. I've had several friends(online and IRL) basically turn into people who appreciate me for the fact that I'm in comics and (they think) I can get them in....GAWD.
ALRIGHT! So let's also mark up the talley...I was supposed to go to Georgia, A-Kon, Bot Con, OTFCC, California, and then another planned Georgia trip in the summer....didn't get my checks in time, so all were cancelled. Then there was AWA and another GA trip...first one had to be cancelled because I found out too late that I COULD go, GA trip was cancelled because I was a little too generous with the 1k' I got from Fleer(this was my own fault).
Also...a very interesting thing happened over the summer to now..........people stopped talkin to me! GREAT! HOORAY!
I feel so LOVED.
Now my HEIGHT is now a VERY sensitive topic to joke about with me(and nowadays, if you joke about my height, you're fucking DEAD to me), and yet people seem to LOVE pushing that button now... I've been getting into SO MANY ARGUMENTS with people because they're idiots(i.e., those wonderful religious zealots who feel the need to preach to me, or people who just have an "idea" for me to "send to Pat Lee").

What? What? It's like all the annoying people keep in touch these days(no offense to the VERY FEW people who are actually cool with me still- I'm speaking on a majority- the minorities in this situation probably know who they are and know I appreciate them keeping in contact/not irritating me). I RE-ITERATE. How hard is it to take 3-seconds to a MINUTE sending a text, making a phone call, sending a NOTE or PM or just E-MAILING or IMing me to say HI or try and catch up? I DO IT! And guess what?! I'm practically living off an hour to three hours rest with pages and pages of work to do- aside from the PO avatars I still need to get into gear on or those SD Transformers for this website that I still need to get into gear on?
Sometimes, I really just want to stop and make DW my number one priority and my only priority...but PO's been good to me. MIND YOU, I do have some personal issues still that are really starting to COME BACK TO ME, but hell- PO(mostly staff) HAS been there for me. Mind you, now I practically ONLY hear from Doot, but hey, it's all good, right?
...maybe?
....ugh.
A lot of my DW buddies are too busy to chat too...I can understand that people are BUSY, but we're not ALL busy 24/7. You'd THINK that out of an EASY group of 100 possible people that I know, I'd get more than 2 or 3 conversations constantly?
Out of...*counts on fingers*...15-20 people I know in real life, I wouldn't just have one that doesn't break so many plans.

See...the whole point of THIS "argh" thread is that I'm REALLY startin to feel them boots to the ribs from me being kicked to the side so many times.
I've questioned SO MANY relationships since the summer, and ENDED about five or six year+ friendships because of ignorance or selfishness. Yeah, you gotta look out for yourself before you look after others, but that doesn't mean you fucking IGNORE others whilest looking after yourself.
This is just getting more and more annoying. My body aches from the lack of massage(Abe used to spoil me with massages), the sexual frustration is really annoying(going on three and a half years! YAY!), and yeah, I do feel REALLY lonely and wish I had a g/f to keep me company, but you know that saying "quit worrying about today's date or there won't be one tomorrow" or something. I'll let that relationship thing happen when it happens, but on the OTHER deals, I should have to ASK that "friends" keep in contact with me. I shouldn't have to ASK that "friends" don't break plans so many times at the LAST FUCKING SECOND, and I shouldn't have to ASK that "friends" fucking appreciate ME for ME and not for WHAT I CAN DO FOR THEM.

Not like it's a big deal, but I've scrapped the PO comic idea so that way when I finish what I "have to do", I can get on my Santa Comic. I really want to work on that...been the only really big thing I've ABSOLUTELY wanted to do. I'll probably work on a PO comic some other time, but I'ma put my personal projects ahead of it.
I'ma try and finish all the PO's I have to do by Saturday of next week, and after that, I'ma basically die for a bit. Not gonna leave PO Staff, but not gonna do anything except for work that Dreamwave send me and the work that I want to do. I haven't been too active with PO(since the colors I did on the sig'update a month or so back), so I really need to get those things done first(as well as the SD'formers for that one site since I owe them that too). I dunno. Too many things, too many things.

I just kinda feel like a...um...I dunno. A whore? I dunno.

End of my rant. Blah blah, whine whine. Yeah, I know.

...but what the hell ELSE is the Soapbox for, if not for people to whine and rant shit off their chests.

[Ultrawolf]

[Gryph]

I've been wantin to chat with ya forever man. You're never on AIM anymore though. Seems everyone's got MSNM. Should probably get that. >_>

I know how the people canceling plans on you thing feels. That's happened to me several times, and with my oldest brother no less. I've pretty much stopped making plans in advance with him anymore. One time he pissed of me and my other brother big time. We had planned well in advance to go see the second Lord of the Rings movie when it came out. We decided to ask him if he wanted to go. He said yeah he really wanted to go, so we said we wouldn't go see it without him. We planned to go see it the first weekend it was out. Called him up and he wasn't even there. Next week he said he'd go, then when we went to call he said he couldn't. Eventually weeks turned into months and we never got to see it till the dvd came out. When the third one came out, we called once and asked. He said he couldn't so we just went anyway. That's pretty much how it works now.

[Bumblebee]

Actually, Gryph, I've sent you about 2 or 3 IMs with my more common PODyemooch screen name that you didn't respond to, so I just stopped. ^^;