Something you just cant say

kittenofsences · Otaku Dame Age: 36 Gender: Joined: 30 Jul 2003

Have you ever had to do something that just ripped you apart inside for the better of something else? Or atleast what you hope it is since you cant get the living things opinion? What about something that went against every bit of your beliefs religious or not... something that you feared to do so much you cried and shook while you did it?

Recently I had to do something like this... something that went under all the questions that I just asked and many more that I just cant form into words right now. This is the only thing I have written on this and only 1 person in the world besides me knows why it had to happen. As of right now I still dont know and realize that I will never know if it was the right thing.. if there was something else that I could of done to save everyone from pain and hurt either now or in the long run. I lost a piece of myself along with a piece of my eternal happiness that my bond with Steven has brought (( steve the man that I will marry and see as my life mate and who feels just as strong for me)) that the new me who can do anything she sets her mind to is hurt the me from the past present and I know in the future will hurt from this decision. Nothing about this is funny and I cant say what I did. Maybe even the ones of you out there that can pay attention to subtle hints can tell what I did. But me I cant say it and I hope that you to wont say it out loud ( on the computer) for others to know. I put this out for people to read to know that there are places you might hit in life where the best thing is to go against everything no matter how hard it hurts. If you have a story please share it... ill read them all and help with any. I ask that you not make fun of the fact that I cannot say more than how it hurt in general and to not ask specific questions but in private. But please if you have input dont fear to post

Ultrawolf · Mr. Roarke Gender: Joined: 04 Jul 2003

If it's what I think it is, I'm very sorry you had to go through this.
You know me well enough to know I'm here for you if you want to talk. Hit me up on AIM.

Silver Adept · Otaku Lord Age: 42 Gender: Joined: 20 May 2003

If I read this right, I'm sorry. Even if I read this wrong, I'm sorry. No-one should have to be put in positions like the ones you describe.

It will likely be small comfort, but if you helped many by doing the one tough decision, it was probably the correct one. If the situation would have degenerated further without your action, then you likely did the right thing in stopping it now, rather than letting it run its course.

The important thing is likely that you acted. There are probably many who do not and suffer for it. I will suggest that if it is serious enough, you may want to seek professional help so that you can come to terms with it.

With no details, there is not much more advice that I can offer, other than stay safe.

Excel Zero · Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2005 12:28 am Post subject:

I feel the same...the lack of details makes it difficult to react but I think I may have an idea of what's going on. However, right or wrong on my part, we are always around to help those, especially in a dire crisis. This is a hell of a home to have here regardless of whether it's physical or not. The people around you care for you. The people behind these ever adorable drawings would probably drop it all to help you so be sure to find someone you feel close to for any sort of comfort you may need.

I hope you feel better and I have faith you did what was needed.

End of line

Excel

Zane · Otaku Knight Gender: Joined: 21 Apr 2003

Well, I'm never very good at interpreting hidden messages and stuff, but whatever it was that you did, I hope that you recover from this experience and grow from it, so that if w/e happened happens again, you'll now know how to handle it better. No matter what decision you made, if you believe it strongly to be the right one, then it is. I wish you the best.

kittenofsences · Otaku Dame Age: 36 Gender: Joined: 30 Jul 2003

Thanks for putting up with the lack of details.. it just something that many people could find religiously offensive or personally for that fact. Congress even debates on it so I rather not pull someones judgement on myself by putting what it is on the computer. It just finally hit me when I posted what I had done and well I cried a lot and hit sort of a rock bottom place but I have come to terms with what I did and thank you all who looked at it and posted for taking the time to do so.

Tobias · *explodes* Age: 38 Gender: Joined: 17 Jan 2003

hey...you know im on the net. Ive given you a hand before, and if you need it again, you know im a PM or an AIM message box away Smile

Just dont worry about it. I think i understand where your comming from. If it was for the right reasons, then who cares about other people's views. Your young, and people who want to hurt you because of something that you did dont have that right, becuase you have a long life ahead of you. Just remember to stay focused through life, and keep yourself good!

`Tobs

Zzyxx · *bursts into flame* Gender: Joined: 30 Sep 2004

Hey, i know i don't know you very well, but if i may through my two cents in...
Well, if you're in a situation like that, i'm very sorry. THose are much not fun, and i have been in one like it. I just know from my experiance that sometimes even though it would save some alot of heart ache at the present, it's best to be true to yourself. I had to break a girl's heart because i knew she loved me and i wasn't ready to be loved. It hurt her then, but both she and i are much better off now. She's engadged to someone actually. Long story short, and i may be way off, but it's ok to be a little selfish if you know it is just going to make things worse later.

Satine · Evil Onigiri Age: 37 Gender: Joined: 29 Sep 2004

I'm sorry you have to go through this. The lack of details makes it impossible to know exactly what's going on, but I think I have an idea. The aftermath of hard decisions is never pretty, and sometimes we have to choose between the lesser of two evils. And yes, life does suck sometimes, but things will turn out ok in the end.
Give yourself time to come to terms with what happened. Don't torture yourself with all the "What if..." questions. And let yourself feel whatever emotions you're feeling (I can't think of a better way to phrase it.) If you feel angry, sad, in denial....just let yourself feel that way. Don't wallow in it, but accept that you're feeling it. That's the best advice I can give. And don't be afraid to get help if you need it.
And we're not here to judge you. None of us has the right to judge any other one; nobody is any better than anyone else. We're all here for you.
I'm always here to talk if you need to. I haven't been on AIM that much lately, but I do check my email and PMs regularly.

silverorb · Posted: Sun Feb 27, 2005 9:20 pm Post subject:

i think i see what happened, and my advice would be for you to not be hard on yourself for doing what you just had to do. i'm sure you thought all possibilities of the situation through, and did what was best for all parties involved in the long run. i'm sure many of us here would have made the same decision as you. we all have faith that you'll pull through and perhaps be a stronger person for it *hug*

:Fox: