Eternal Dragon ((Updates?! pg 3~!))

[Shandriz]

Wow. Okay, this has been...er...well...two or three years in progress now, at least. I started it in twelfth grade at any rate. I was supposed to write in a journal at the beginning of my English class, and one day I just began writing this story...but it evolved into so much more. I've since thrown out the original version (literally) and it's been through a -lot- of revisions. It still has a long ways to go before I'm happy with it, as well.

But I wanted to get a few opinions. This is relatively long. And it's obviously not finished. I have to flesh a lot out, reword some of it, that sort of thing. Still, I thought I would post it to let those who have expressed interest in it know that I'm still working on it. xD.

Here we go-- the beginning of what will eventually be my ultimate novel: Eternal Dragon.



In the beginning...
There was nothing. An eternal, endless nothingness. It could not quite be considered darkness, nor could it be considered light. Then, with a start, it was something. An intangible force, a creative force. This force would come to be known as many things: God, Jehovah, Yahweh, Alla, Logos, the Creator, the Father, the Spirit, the Life Force. Initially, however, it simply was.

Over the course of centuries or days, as none could be quite certain which when time as it is now did not exist at that time, this force coalesced into less intangible forms. Light and Dark were created and separated from one another that they be easily recognizable. Water and Sky were created, then the Earth and Plants. Soon there were seasons and stars, and eventually animals and people. Finally, the creative force seemed to settle down. It appeared that all creations for this tiny planet had been sorted, and the force flowed equally through them all, filling them with Life.

The humans seemed more inclined to develop a higher realm of thinking. Because of this, the life force began to develop a personification of itself-- still intangible and incomprehensible to human beings, but able to guide them along their path. Sadly, the force was able to do little. It could not control humans, and their world began to get more and more chaotic. There was murder, there was pestilence, the earth itself was being slowly destroyed by it's own creations.

Humans had developed into something awe-inspiring and fearsome to all other creations.

Near the beginning of the 22nd century, the war that had been brewing for nearly a hundred years exploded. The devastation left in the wake had the world convinced that the end of life, for humans at least, was at hand.

Just as they were giving up, however, a stir of hope swept through the land. This came in the form of the Angels. Angels were creations of the life force, made to aid it in guiding the humans along their paths. They were beautiful, sometimes tangible incarnations of various virtues and seasons, elements and theories. They were the personification of abstracts.

Seeing the mortals' plight, the Angels descended from the heavens to help them rebuild and recover, rebelling against what they undoubtedly believed to be God's wish for the end of humanity. The life force had given humans the free will to do as they wished, but it had seen enough destruction of it's other creations.

The angels disagreed, however. They believed that humans should be given a second chance. They materialized themselves and began the process. After several years, the angels felt it safe to leave them back to their own devices and returned to their previous forms, but they left behind gifts.

The first of these gifts was the Power- blessings bestowed on a few mortals by the angels which allowed them to perform strange, magical acts. These powers were generally linked in some way to the Angel who gave them to the mortal-- usually they fell within that Angel's abstract. Few people received such gifts, and often they were regarded with jealousy by those around them.

The second of these gifts were the Avatars. Each of the angels chose two humans-- one male and one female. These humans were given even more power, and were blessed with the ability to communicate with the Angels directly should need arise for them to do so. The only exception to this rule was the Metatron, the Voice of God. He chose only one avatar, Chiisa, and did so long before the other angels, trusting her to serve as his voice even as he served God.

The humans then took to deciding how the world should be rebuilt. Radicals came up with two very different ideas, and so the land was split in two.

The Aedituus believed that technological advances and science would prevent another devastation. The believed that genetic engineering would eliminate the problems that began it, and set about accomplishing this task. The Angels abandoned them, but the Fallen ones gave their aid, choosing avatars of their own amongst their kind and blessing most individuals with Power.

The Antesignanus felt that technology was what had led them astray. They believed that returning to more naturalistic roots, more spiritual and less technology based, would prevent another war. The Angels supported them in this belief, knowing that they would remain devoted to their saviors, and that science did not suit theology well.

Eventually, however, the Radicals on either side became discontent. They resented each other as both sides prospered, and spurred their peoples into a war.

Five hundred years later, that war still had not ended, though it waned on occasion to allow for rebuilding. And none could remember why it started, nor did they care. None but Chiisa, the Metatron's Avatar.



EDIT: Removed the first part of the actual story. There's just too much that needs to be fixed there. Admittedly, a lot still needs to be fixed on the intro, but that at least I'm not ashamed to have people see- it's not going to confuse people as much.

[Zane]

Uh, I'm not quite sure what to say. The epilogue was great, but I'm a little confused at this intro. Maybe I just need to know more of what's going. Still, amazing work.

[Shino]

Yay! Shan's writing!

I'll read it when I get off work.

[Shandriz]

Er. Actually, there is not Epilogue yet. Both parts are still just introductory. I haven't even started writing the main plotline yet. Background info = teh important, believe me.

[Azurel]

Yea, I had to hold it off til I had some free time ^_^

I really like the background plot to it, can't wait to see the real one develop. I'm not gonna lie because you're my sister, I think the relationship between Arik and Kairi is a bit cliche, hope you do something special with that. (that's just personal preferance, I don't like cliche, some people can't read without it though) Other than that -claps- it'll be one of the rare few novels I read because it actually has my attention.

[Silver Adept]

An intersting setting, with angels involved in our own world. There is great potential in this - I already wonder whether or not the big G will get involved at some point in the story.

[Shandriz]

Thanks, Silver.

I took out the actual beginning of the story. There's just too much there that I"m not happy with and that needs to be changed. I wrote that ...well, too long ago. .

The overall story is going to probably offend a lot of people, though. Which is sort of what I"m going for. I want to make an impact ^^ If I can ever get a good enough writer to do the concept justice, it should accomplish that goal.

[Ultrawolf]

[Silver Adept]

Well, first thigns first, write. Then write some more, and then some more - practice makes permanaent, and it helps imrpove your skills. Perhaps, if you have them, you could shuffle down to a local writer's workshop and pick up some hints and proofers.

[Sketch]

YAAy! *bounces* ^_^+2 ..I love this story! ^^ I really really hope you finish writing this ^^
hehe you know I still have that name tag from dragon con... ;p

;p if you ever get it published may I do the illustrations?