Lack of Presence

[Ming]

I'm at a rather difficult time in my life right now. Despite my efforts to be in control, everything has spun out of control. As a result, I'm probably not going to have very much of a presence here for the next month or so, whether or not my presence means anything to anyone or has any significance to anything. There's just so much that I have to get done and that I have to sort out.

School is an ever-growing pain in my ass, even now, nearly a month away from graduation. Every class there's something else that I have to do. Papers, B.S. group projects with incompetent groups, entrepreneurial analyses of myself and my supposed "ideas for success" that are just my way of copping out of a class that has become more of pain in the ass than anything, tests, etc. That alone, is too much for me to handle. But let's throw on the fact that I don't even live at school, and my stress level rises because every damn class has a damn group project where I'm paired with groups that live ON campus...while I live 45 freakin minutes away.

Then there's work and the on-going soap opera that is Outback Steakhouse, as funny as that sounds. Every time I'm there I start to dislike it a little more, lose a little more respect for my managers, and lose a little more hope that good people still exist in the world today who know how to run a business. And then I have to fear for my crappy, insignificant job every time I'm there because they've fired like 6 people in the last month. Don't even get me started on the customers, some of which I would love to just jump the table and smack. Being a waiter, I've met lot of nice people, but the majority of the people who come in are greedy, snobbish, rude pricks. And it's really starting to get to me.

On top of all of that, I have to look for a job. A REAL job, because I can't work my entire life as a waiter and expect to get anywhere in life. But that sucks too, and I lack all motivation to get any of that done because I'm just too fed up. And I'm fed up with all the spoiled-brat little bastards that I go to school with that WILL get the jobs that I deserve because I refuse to lower myself to a level so as to believe that I have to be a social-butterfly, barfly socialite jackass to get a job. Why the hell is it 4 years, and a $100,000-in-debt-when-I-graduate B.S. degree in who the hell cares, when I could just take some big-wig Donald Trump wannabe asshole to a bar and buy him $20 in drinks so that he offers me some job because he likes my attitude? Who need brains anymore when you have martinis? Why should I obsess over doing well in school when it doesn't matter anyway because nobody appreciates it?

And finally, to add to all of the above, Tobs' and my dad was just diagnosed with cancer....for the SECOND time in less than a year. After having his kidney removed in the fall because he had kidney cancer, now he has something called Renal Cell cancer, which is worse than the kidney. The fear and horror that has built up inside of me right now is worse than I have ever felt. How can these so called "doctors" after scanning my poor father numerous times for this and that not have spotted something like this? What's the point of wasting time and money on C.A.T. scans, P.E.T. scans, MRIs, dog scans, ferret scans, bird scans, etc, etc, etc? What good are you that you let something like this slip by unnoticed? More and more I keep thinking to myself that they're only after money, and don't give a shit what they do to people, as long as they can suck more money out of them.

And all this occurs at a time that I'm already feeling like crap. I should be happy that I'm graduating from college and going out into the "real world". But I can't enjoy myself because there are too many selfish bastards out there who, for some reason, don't want me to enjoy myself and don't want to make things any simpler for me. "Hey! He's down! Let's kick him some more!"

If you've gotten this far, thanks for listening. I appreciate and cherish all the friends that I've made here, and I appreciate the fact that I can use this place as an outlet for these things, and I know that I won't be judged. It's good to know that a warm little place still exists amidst the icy exterior of the world today.

Thanks. I'll see you all as soon as I straigten everything out.

~Ming

[Reverend]

Bud you know I am there for you and I will try to do whatever I can to be of help for you. Hell, all of us at PO would do that for you because you are the kind of person who would help a stranger on the street.

Besides, the least I can do for all you have done to help me is to be there for you

[underpants]

Babe, you know how I feel. I am your rock!
I love you.

[Girkon]

Well I gotta disagree with some of that because if that is true...that makes every struggle I and others try almost seem even less signifigant. But in that I can feel for your plight and can only hope it gets a bit better. Though this may seem a bit lackluster, at least you still got your health right? Best wishes to ya.

[Skylah]

Oh I'm sorry to hear bout this Ming.. I hope everythings will be fine soon.. you have to be strong for yourself and your family.. I know its hard, but remember there are people who cares and love you, your fams, UP and we people on PO.. *hugs*

[Ming]

Well, it looks as if everything is going to work out after all. Things have started to really get themselves into place, and life is starting to get normal again. Even though I went away for only a little bit, in that time I was able to accomplish a lot, so I think I have made ample time for myself to come back here and do other things that I enjoy doing, instead of focusing 100% of my attention on school and other stuff. Thanks a lot to anyone who offered some kind words, it was greatly appreciated.

Just as a side not, everything with me and Tob's dad ended up working out for the better. The cancer was removed, and I just heard word from him that the pathology report said that it was all gone for good.

And on top of that, I just got myself a job with Pepsi!

[Skylah]

Yey good to hear that and congratulation on the new job.. *hugs*

[underpants]

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll try to refrain from saying..............*trying so hard.................*it's taking over...............................I TOLD YOU SO!!!! hehehe. sorry I couldn't help it.