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ScrumYummy bunnyhunches of scrums

Gender:  Joined: 29 Jun 2005 |
Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 2:49 pm Post subject: (untitled) |
I'm writing again =D I was inspired by something (not entirely sure what) and my pen began to move. This is the prologue/introduction; I'll post the first chapter later.
Please critique this heavily; I haven't written anything in several years, so I feel rusty (not to mention it took me over an hour to come up with just a few paragraphs...)
Prologue
At one time, on one day, in the land of dreams and shadows, there was a girl whose life was ill-fated. Nobody ever plans these things, but they happen as regular as clockwork. This girl was whose life was given, not by choice, to be one of the makers of Dreams, had fallen to become one of the makers of Nightmares. In her fall she took her kingdom with her, and all throughout would perish or become one of the makers of Nightmares.
The land of dreams and shadows is probably not quite what you would have imagined. For one, order and chaos do not have a system—in our world, logic and reason have a role in everything, especially chaos and order. However, in the land of dreams and shadows, Chaos and Order like to do their own thing. This is why Smiles have names and people do not—but this is something that one must learn in time.
The fact is, when the lady fell from being an Aryas to being a Nocturne, Chaos and Order did what they always do and worked together to bring down the kingdom as well. But as Irony would have it, one soul would escape both Order and Chaos and find its own way to Destiny. And, as Destiny would have it, this soul would be put to the test to earn the right to regain its kingdom.
This is where life truly begins. |
_________________ -Scrum-
..it borked. :D |
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Wins 23 - Losses 22 Level 7 |
EXP: 2313 HP: 2241
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STR: 779 END: 731 ACC: 795 AGI: 795
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Totem Doll (Sword) (320 - 360) |
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Kothar_Isk Shadow Mage

Gender:  Joined: 22 Nov 2005 |
Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 4:58 am Post subject: |
Interesting start Scrum. Though I feel that you are being very vague about the world by not haveing any concrete details about the setting in there. |
_________________ Knowledge knows no alignment
says the Poster formerly know as Selrahc.
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Wins 9 - Losses 7 Level 4 |
EXP: 3188 HP: 1760
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STR: 440 END: 660 ACC: 800 AGI: 900
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death's Razors (Sword) (270 - 320) |
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ScrumYummy bunnyhunches of scrums

Gender:  Joined: 29 Jun 2005 |
Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:35 pm Post subject: |
Thankle! It's not the real setting. X)! Well, not really. It's confusing, and hard to explain. X)! I'm (slowly) working on the first chapter, I'll post it when it's done =) [my main problem is I keep re-writing it. It seems to come out too campy a lot of times.] |
_________________ -Scrum-
..it borked. :D |
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Wins 23 - Losses 22 Level 7 |
EXP: 2313 HP: 2241
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STR: 779 END: 731 ACC: 795 AGI: 795
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Totem Doll (Sword) (320 - 360) |
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Kothar_Isk Shadow Mage

Gender:  Joined: 22 Nov 2005 |
Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2005 3:22 am Post subject: |
Well just keep at working at it dude. and try your hand out in the poets nook to strech your writing skil;s a little, it works good for me. |
_________________ Knowledge knows no alignment
says the Poster formerly know as Selrahc.
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Wins 9 - Losses 7 Level 4 |
EXP: 3188 HP: 1760
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STR: 440 END: 660 ACC: 800 AGI: 900
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death's Razors (Sword) (270 - 320) |
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Silver Adept Otaku Lord

Age: 42 Gender:  Joined: 20 May 2003 |
Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 10:48 pm Post subject: |
Archetypes are interesting to work with and meld. They behave they way they're supposed to, or named to, all the time. But that doesn't mean they can't be subtle about it.
From a Nightmare's workshop to a Dreamer's salon, the child the Destiny took winder her wing will write a new script on the face of her world. The question is who's going to interfere... |
_________________ Sir Silver Adept, KCI. Check out the Knights of Jubal if you want to revive chivalrous behavior.
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Wins 293 - Losses 240 Level 23 |
EXP: 2163 HP: 3375
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STR: 1125 END: 1125 ACC: 1225 AGI: 1225
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Sander's Asylum (Partisan) (505 - 655) |
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