31 things you didn't know about Chuck Norris and counting

[reaper]

31 things you didn't know about Chuck Norris....


1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in
the face.

2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck
Norris can kill him and take it.

3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets
the information he wants.

5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck,
to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good
Chuck, he taketh away.

6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

7. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have
felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.

10. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

11. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F*cking."

12. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck
Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

13. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another
fist.

14. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and
Chuck Norris.

15. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean
to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him
with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox,
which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.

16. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating
in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral s*x, KFC and Tequila.

17. Chuck Norris always has s*x on the first date. Always. The only time
he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the
Holocaust.

18. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right,
B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

19. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie the f*ck down.

20. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck
Norris allows to live.

21. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and
instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

22. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection.
There were no survivors.

23. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could
use to kill you, including the room itself.

24. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

25. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game
of tennis.

26. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy cr*p! That's Chuck
Norris!" Then she had had s*x with him. At that point, she was the third
girl he had slept with.

27. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

28. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

29. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up
with lactose's sh*t.

30. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

31. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's
pushing the Earth down.

[Therin]

Holy cr*p, that's piss-in-your-pants-while-being-roundhouse-kicked funny!

[Ming]

[Azurel]

Haha, yea, I was about to say:

[Skylah]

dats funny
thanx for the infos babey..

[Suna-chan]

hahahaha funny!

reminds me of the vin diesel statements.

I love these sorts of things!

[Antinua]

27. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

My favorite, oh god is this hilarious!

[GAAZ]

Man, Chuck Norris has never been so cool.

You know...Cept for Delta Force when he killed that rat with his teeth.

[K-chan]

31. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's
pushing the Earth down.

[reaper]

12. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck
Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

one of my personal favs lol