Janus Taer's Thoughts - Random musings

[Cobalt Katze]

As the title says, this is just random musings as told by my character Janus Taer.


Being alone has its merits I guess. Darkness could be a companion. The sun setting through the blinds could be that warm hand on my back in a time of need. The blue florescent light flickering in the bathroom, my mother cautiously asking me if I've had anything to eat. "Have you taken a shower this week, at all? When are you going to brush your hair?" I could turn the light off if I wanted... but I suppose it helps me remember.
The high-decibal ringing of the TV roughly positioned on an apple crate, my father waking up at 4am for a glass of water. Again, at six. Putting his teeth in, making coffee, eating his egg. I havn't slept, but I'm not tired. The static hums, splashing on rocks as I walked on the beach with my family years ago. I was the vicious predator, leaving my tracks in the sand then running to warn the others. I was the ferocious creature, dad portraying the innocent victim as I raged on camera. I was the helpless geek, getting instructed how to sag my pants at the bus stop. I was the lonely student, talking to friends I'd never met.
But I like the darkness. It hasn't betrayed me since the days of ghosts and ghouls and nightmares. We've never exchanged vows so there's no promises to keep, no hearts to break. It makes me think, though. Maybe too much. I look back at my thoughts and think I'm too indecisive, too abstract, too random. It makes me remember my history, embeded with what triggers those thoughts, emotions, reactions...
The chair is leather, I think. Somewhat salmon colored, cool against my skin, a few cracks where the plush peeks out. My sister, fitting to a social norm but you can see the artist in her eyes. I also see myself at that age, the awkward moments in a group, where you think you know what's going on but you really don't. Does anyone know what's really going on though? Protesting down the streets with hundreds of frustrated faces, hundreds of disgusted words, songs, slogans. Did they know what was going on? Agreeing, disagreeing, raging, laughing, caught up in the current of feet on pavement in a mob of emotions. To me, it was like the dream I had, when I was running through a maze, persued by a swollen mass. Wanting to get away from it all, once I reached my destination I fell dead on the ground. Half an hour later I woke up and ate lunch.
But death doesn't sound too appealing to me at the moment. Even if I am alone now, I can still fall asleep. I can let my thoughts drift back to my subconscious, let them take form and set out to coreograph a dance of my life as it might have been. The dreams of times never to take place, the characters that I'll never meet again... I'll fall asleep.

[Motts]

I really don't know what to say aside from, wow. That's really quite impressive Cobbi... I'm not sure which part to comment on!

*musing overload!*

Ahh...

[punk rock girl]

that's amazing cobbi! so beautiful.. and so easy to relate to. i'm very impressed. i finaly had time to read it and im glad i did. who is this character?

[Cobalt Katze]

Janus Taer's a character I had come up with around 4-5 years back when I was set on writing a novel of sorts. Janus was essentially various aspects of myself, but blown up to bigger extremes. The whole premise was he had become so detatched from the world that he just fell asleep and crafted and entire world inside his head, where the entire story takes place. He himself is the main character, and two other parts of his persona from the real world make up the two antagonists. Other people he know from the real world make up other characters, sometimes taking on several roles based on who they were in reality and what significance they had to him.

It'd still be nice to write that story, but I'd need to find time.. somthing I'm really short on right now.