Expanding the Past: New section:B

[Enon]

Section A:

When she opened her eyes nothing looked familiar but it felt familiar almost a sense of déjà vu. Nothing was as she expected. This place is not home; she thought and then snorted at herself. She didn’t know what home was. The place she found herself in reeked of old death and destruction.
She was found wandering alone near the ruins of a destroyed and deserted village by an exploring couple. The two were shocked and a little afraid when they came across the living soul in what had been a village that had been abandoned for ages. They came upon her crouched inside the remains of a home eating a piece of fruit that had disappeared from their packs. The previous morning they had awakened to find that their packs had been ransacked and repacked but without bread, cheese, and fruit.
She remembered wandering around the village trying to find something that she recognized. Moving in and out of the rubble that used to be homes, picking through the bones that crumbled at the slightest touch of a hand. Just beneath the surface of her searching thoughts was a mantra for hunger. She had ignored until she caught the vague smell of something fresh amidst all the dry decaying stifling smell of the village.
Taking to the air she wove an almost drunken pattern of flight until her body remembered the mechanics of flying. For a short while her mind became absorbed with the joy of flight. But the pull of hunger soon disrupted the flight of fancy. Allowing her sense of smell to lead her she followed the scent to a small camp that had been setup in a clearing near the ruins.
When she settled in a tree she nearly toppled out when her senses were overwhelmed by the fresh clean air. Her acrobatics noises as she corrected herself brought the two inhabitants out of their tent to investigate, but no further than the edge of the darkness that surrounded their camp. She had hung upside down on the limb, her eyes squeezed closed, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. The two campers had stood there a moment before going back inside of the tent. They were wary but they chalked the noise up to animals.
She spent the night in the three and the morning watching the two. At first their words were complete gibberish to her then something in her mind clicked and the words made sense. She had watched them unpack and repack their packs before they went to sleep. When she was sure they were deep asleep she had climbed down from her hiding place and plundered their packs and repacked them. Then with as much haste as soundlessly possible she went back to the village.
Astonishment had reigned when she found herself surrounded by the two after she had taken their goods. Something inside made her offer them back what she hadn’t eaten which consisted of the bread and most of the cheese. When the couple had found her she was eating the last piece of fruit. The returning of what she had when they found her seemed to feel familiar to her.
The woman named Tavia DeKali, which she would learn later, was the bolder of the two she came close enough to take the offered bread from the urchin looking creature. When the girl bowed it was then that the couple noticed her wings. The man looked curious about the wings and moved closer. Taking the bread from Tavia he broke it in half and then offered it to the waif and introduced himself as Bard DeKali talking moderately not to frighten her. Thus after the exchange, the husband and wife learned her name Enonyla Chayoti. The couple took it upon themselves to take in and help Enon as she asked to be called.

Section B:
Tavi and Bard were respected members of village that they resided in. The two of them were seen as authorities on the world beyond the walls of the village. Neither Tavi nor Bard were natives to the village. They had been accepted to the village when between Tavi’s knowledge of herbal remedies and Bards magical healing skills they save the town’s elders. It was not any easy transition for the trio but they each did their best to become a family despite the difference between them. Each had to find their own level of acceptance and trust the others to understand and meet them the rest of the way. At first Tavi and Bard both tried not to notice the differences in Enon. They thought if they made no big deal out of it then neither would anyone else. But things don’t always happen the way people plan them. Nearly years after Enon’s arrival there were a series of thefts that happen and the villagers who were victims of it could find out how it was being done.
So they blamed Enon since she was new and seemed more like a pet in their eyes. The villagers put Enon before the elders to be test for her guilt or innocence. Tavi and Bard were both absent from the village at the time they were off catering to their wanderlust. They returned to the village to find Enon caged in the center of the town. The couple went before the elders and tried to reason with them. They were informed that the winged abomination that they had taken into their home out of the kindness of the hearts had been causing trouble and disrupting the flow of the village. Enon had refused to speak until Tavi and Bard returned. This was within Enon’s rights since she was a member of the villages because she was a member of the DeKali household. Bard convinced the elders that he and Tavi should be on trial as well since they were the ones who had brought Enon to the village. If he was able to defend them all then Enon would be released to live within the village if she chose to do so. If he was unable to defend them, then all three of them would leave the village to never return.
Each person who felt that they had been wronged by the action of the accused was allowed to state their grievances and were questioned by Bard. Bard was able to disproved all of the accusation and even find the true culprit of the thefts. But then end to Enon’s presence in the village had come.
The villagers pointed out the flaws in Enon that Tavi and Bard had refused to see. They pointed out how Enon looked barely a year older than she did when they first brought her back from the ruins. They pointed out that she didn’t look like any of the flying people that Tavi and Bard had described that they had met on their wanderings. The leader of the village a man by the name Lokanse was the main voice that was able to push Enon’s differences out and had the public full of distrust. Bard brought the questions to Enon who asnswered them because Tavi had asked her to.


TBC

[Skylah]

Good.. me like it.. keep it up..

[Enon]

Thanks did reading it bring any questions to mind or things that need more details? This goes to any who reads it.

[Aiman]

Hey, not bad Enon But does the story end there or is there more to come ? 'Cuz I wanna know why ye have wings, ya know Keep up the good work !!

[Enon]

yeppers there's more but i'm still working on it so it might be a week or so afore i have it post.

[Enon]

was a slacker and went and added to the history

[Therin]

I'm going to rack up comments as I read.

Work on your punctuation. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it's annoying to have to go back and reread something six times before you get it. We're all guilty, but try to do it as little as possible.

Also, you may want to try putting thoughts in italics. It's another one of those easy-to-read things.

Repetition is bad. If you say a given phrase three times in as many sentences, people notice. I'm not sure why, but they do. It's a psych thing. Anyway, it's a bad idea to repeat a given phrase unless you're trying to drive a point home. The easiest way to fix this is to go to a thesaurus and find synonyms. I do it all the time. www.thesaurus.com is a lifesaver. Somewhat harder is to find other ways to say what you're trying to say. I'm still working on this, so if you find an easy way to do it, please tell me ^_^

Other than that, just sentence structure and a few typos, and everyone does those.

Final word: Your concepts and descriptions are very good, as is your plot. The only issues I've noticed are with grammar and the everpresent typos. The edited version will be much easier to read, I'm sure :p

[Enon]

only problem with that is when i proofread my stuff i have a tendency to skim over the error and focus on the plot and characters and not the grammar and typos.