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The Journey |
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| Author |
Message |
PO Info |
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Kai
Moody Protagonist
Gender: 
Joined: 08 Oct 2003 |
 Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 4:55 pm Post subject: The Journey |
A thousand miles in a waste of breath
Where we start in birth we will end in death
How many wait to live till it's too late?
How many save life for a different date?
Some wait for a rest from the journey before they try
But it is the journy that makes us live
And the resting that makes us die. |
_________________
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Wins 7 - Losses 10
Level 4 |
EXP: 3986
HP: 2500
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STR: 900
END: 800
ACC: 600
AGI: 500
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Red Wood Katanas (Blades)
(280 - 310) |
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Tobias
*explodes*
Age: 38
Gender:
Joined: 17 Jan 2003 |
| Posted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 8:34 pm Post subject: |
dude, thats deep. And it is quite true as well. It is the journey that is important in our lives, and when we dont do anything is when it starts to sap the life from us.
Enough talking for me 
That is all |
_________________
I am not afraid to die today
Nor afraid of what Death will bring.
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Wins 112 - Losses 110
Level 16 |
EXP: 535
HP: 3000
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STR: 1000
END: 1000
ACC: 1000
AGI: 1000
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Eden (Sword)
(475 - 475) |
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Kai
Moody Protagonist
Gender:
Joined: 08 Oct 2003 |
| Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2004 2:45 pm Post subject: |
Hey thanks. |
_________________
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Wins 7 - Losses 10
Level 4 |
EXP: 3986
HP: 2500
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STR: 900
END: 800
ACC: 600
AGI: 500
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Red Wood Katanas (Blades)
(280 - 310) |
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| Back to top |
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Daijaga
Chosen of Luck
Gender:
Joined: 17 Dec 2003 |
| Posted: Thu Jul 01, 2004 12:02 am Post subject: |
A good peice, reflective of some of my own works about beginning and returning. The pacing at the end feels really good too - the third from last line is paced longer. Is that on purpse to prepare the reader for the well delivered final two lines, or something else? I didn't like the "How many save life for a different date? " line, it feels out of place to me.
Great poem, I liksey. |
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Wins 27 - Losses 38
Level 7 |
EXP: 6469
HP: 2453
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STR: 1013
END: 720
ACC: 611
AGI: 756
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Kaledescope (Mace)
(170 - 510) |
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Kai
Moody Protagonist
Gender:
Joined: 08 Oct 2003 |
| Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2004 9:55 pm Post subject: |
Yeah I ment to make the third to last line longer. A sort of anticipatory thing before the conclusion so to speak. Thank you for the hepful criticism. I appriciate it. |
_________________
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Wins 7 - Losses 10
Level 4 |
EXP: 3986
HP: 2500
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STR: 900
END: 800
ACC: 600
AGI: 500
|
Red Wood Katanas (Blades)
(280 - 310) |
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| Back to top |
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