Shades of Grey

Ultrawolf · Mr. Roarke Gender: Joined: 04 Jul 2003

Have you guys ever had the feeling that everything in your life is a shade of grey? No matter what you do nothing ever colors your world. Nothing good ever happens to you. Like Life just gave you the short end of the stick and expects you to survive. I'm sick and tired of it. Sick and tired. I don't want to sound like im feeling sorry for myself but I am. I want to be someone else. I don't like being me. I have the crappiest luck. It's like someone is picking on me and I can't do anything about it. In my dreams I'm always dying. It's always on my mind. What would happen if I did die? You know what would happen? People would pretend to be sorry for a few days and forget about me altogether. I feel so insignificant. Like my whole life has been nothing but a waste. My entire family despises me except for my grand parents. My Father told me he wanted to get out of my life as soon as i was out of college and I had a job. My mother is a manipulative *&^%$. She will lie to get me to do things. Flat out lie. She has no honor or integrity. She enjoys laughing at children who cry. My aunts/uncles/cousins think im a spoiled brat when my parents have done nothing for me. My parents cant even bother to get food when we need it at home. My brother died when I was a kid because of my negligent parents who didnt notice that he was dying of kidney failure. By the time they did notice and got him on a waiting list it was too late. They don't even care about my brother. I'm the only only child in my ENTIRE extended family. I'm a loner and an outcast among the friends I do have. I feel so worthless.

And that is why I won't give up. I won't give the world the satisfaction of another depressed teen who committed suicide. I'm going to live out my life even if I am alone my whole life. They tried to break my spirit at the academy on saturday. A third of my classmates dropped out during the physical training. By the time it was over my skin was shining with sweat. They didn't break me. Nothing can stop me from my goal. I will be part of law enforcement. Nothing will stop me. I'll protect the people who would forsake me. Nothing can destroy my spirit. They can push me as hard as they want. I won't give up. I'll push beyond my limit. I think it's time for me finally grow up.

Tobias · *explodes* Age: 38 Gender: Joined: 17 Jan 2003

Hey...you were never "insignificant" beforehand. You should never want to be "another person" ever. As popeye said: "I am what i am, and thats all that i am." Even god said that: "I am...what i am"

Dude, we need to talk later, but dont let anything happen to yourself. Its good to see the determination though. You can count on me backing you if need be. Your not insignificant...especially not here. When you finish, you will be great, and you know what, everyone will notice the great skill and prowess that you truely have. Just remember that life isnt a shade of grey, as much as it seems. Grey is a color, a vast combination of colors, that you have to respect as if they were colors. Just remember, your special, even if people try to tell you differently. It's what has kept me going through the times that people made fun of me, and such. Just keep your head up high, and show 'em...

your gonna kick ass man, and your gonna be a fine man when you grow up.

Shurikane · Dim Panties As String Joined: 24 Sep 2002

I invented grey. 'nuff said.

Kiyomi · Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2004 8:26 pm Post subject:

I have definitely had grey times in my life. Sorry to hear all that is going on in you life, Ultra. Sad

Bear with it, things get better eventually. I thought they never would, and now I am here happy with Excel.

Reverend · I kin Age: 41 Gender: Joined: 21 Oct 2002

Just remember Ultra that wherever you go, there you are, and that it's on you to make the most of any situation. Because it could be worse, it could be raining

Ultrawolf · Mr. Roarke Gender: Joined: 04 Jul 2003

I like the rain it reminds me of my brother.

reaper · I miss you Shar Gender: Joined: 28 Dec 2002

I think I know what you're talking about, not suicidal but you are tired of livening?
I know that feeling all to well. I just live one day to the next and don’t really think about it. To be honest if I knew I was ganan die tomorrow I wouldn’t care too much.

Ultrawolf · Mr. Roarke Gender: Joined: 04 Jul 2003

Daijaga · Chosen of Luck Gender: Joined: 17 Dec 2003

That was one of the most inspiring, heroic things Ive ever read from another human being. I mean that.