Females - Hot water here I come

[D-Trix]

i think Saleb and Jester have called this one right on the money.

Az, you are absolutely right that some women act this way, and that it's the stupidest, most illogical, biggest waste waste of time ever invented (except for internet boards, haha). i don't think it's epidemic, i certainly don't think it's normal, but i have seen it myself and have been where you stand, the attracted best friend who constantly gets blown off for a series of worthless jackasses (or the same one, in your case).

Jester's got things under control, though, and i think you need to follow in his footsteps. i haven't talked to the girl that did this to me in over a year, and i honestly couldn't care less about it (this after spending all of high school convinced that i was in love with her). i eventually realized that i was treating her in the same way that she treated all those trailer-trash guys: this was neither healthy for me, nor a good way to teach her not to act like that. the solution, of course, is to recognize what Saleb says. then get yourself out of the situation; that does wonders for your mental health. and it just might teach her a lesson - the first of many she will need before she's cured, if she ever is - that eventually, people will leave and they won't come back, not ever. maybe she'll get it that her friends aren't going to tolerate her self-destructive behavior; or maybe she'll realize that she can leave permanently, too.

but don't put too much hope in either of those outcomes. it probably takes many, many repetitions to cause a significant change in behavior; and as we've established, girls like this just aren't worth the effort in the first place. why would you want to be with someone so neurotic anyway? yes, this is a psychological disorder, albeit a minor one. we all have our neuroses, it's just that this one is more frustrating and destructive than many others.

does anybody find it strange that guys never act like this? or if they do, it's far rarer to hear about it. i know i never hear anyone complain about how their male friends are getting totally used by women, other than in the 'pussy-whipped' sense. if guys are equally guilty, please let me know. i always feel a lot better about this kind of problem if i know it's a human thing rather than gender-based. if it's just women, i start to lose hope in ever finding successful heterosexual relationships; if it's all humans, it becomes something everybody has to overcome together.

~Ted

[Akira]

look just call her a tard and say "you will regret leaving me!!! its the biggest mistake you ever made cause your missin out on muh sweet lovin" throw a twinkie at her and turn on your LEFT heel not your right because your right is a sign of respect...your left is pretty much saying "cant wait to get home and let out muh new rotwieler on ya.so just do that and she will come running back.


copyright Akira.
warning! all ideas that come from akira are not fully active to work so use these ideas at your own risk,akira does not take responsibility to deaths,scars,burns or any other harmful matter.


signed,

Akira (CEO of random stupid post-fu)

[GAAZ]

Yeah yeah, she can't be me friend no more...Geeze people. If anything her bein my friend meant she coulda hooked me up with one of her chick friends. Remember, never befriend anyone unless ya can use em for something...MWAHAHA!

[Sciler]

I will add one thing I dont think has been said.

Some females do that sad cycle because they have low esteem and feel they dont deserve any better than that. They are afraid to be alone and be thier own people. When someone better, who will treat them well, comes along...they dont think they deserve it and somehow sabatoge thier own good relationship, to go back to a bad one. Its pure stupidity but unless they actually go to councelling or something for it, its unlikely and rare that they actually snap out of that cycle. Unfortunately those are the ones you just kinda gotta let go. Sometimes its too late to make them realise it, and they hav eit made up in thier mind that they arent worth better.

[Ivy]

Two things:

1) This happens to men as well, though not as often. I've known a lot more cases where it is women, but it does happen. Women can use men for the same reason men can use women -- low self-esteem/self-worth. And for the same reason, the men stay with them, or obsess about them all the time. The problem is, at least as far as I can tell, men have a harder time saying "I feel insecure" or actually asking for help. In my experience.

2) If she's your friend, don't just give up on her. I don't know your relationship, but if I was in that situation, I'd want my friend to come over to me, and drag me, kicking and screaming, away to get some counseling. Even if that counseling is sitting up until five am crying. If you can't or don't feel comfortable doing it, talk to her friends. Meddle. This is a problem that she can't fix herself without help, or a lot of grief. Even if she breaks up with this boyfriend, the next one she clings onto could be a lot worse.

Just my nosy thoughts.

-- Anna-chan

[Shino]

Vegeta, I'm in total agreement with you. Those who know me may or may not know this.

Back in '99 I started dating this girl who I will call "Jane" because I don't know anyone named Jane and I don't want to use her real name.

Jane and I were together a lot and we always had a good time. The relationship was going very well in all areas.

I went to Conneticut for a class when I started work at IBM. I called her the first weekend I was there and didn't get her. When I finally got a hold of her, she said that she was breaking up with me to go back to her Ex-boyfriend. She said it wasn't only that but a few other things. Now when I mention this to friends of mine they agree that these were just things she used to make herself feel better about her bad decision. She said things like "You have too many friends" That was a good one. And "You have this great job and I'm still in school" I liked that one.

So after the usual shmeel about me telling her she is going to regret it and he is just going to do the same thing again and people can't change that quickly and all that good stuff, I asked her if she was going to still pick me up at the airport when I got back. She said yes. Then she called me back the next week and told me that she wasn't going to pick me up and I could find someone else b/c I had "plenty of friends." I said ok fine, then asked her why.

She said "It seems you don't care if I get home really late at night." (We lived 45 mins from eachother).

I replied with "'Jane', my plan arrives at 3 in the afternoon."

"Oh.... (long pause) ... well I still don't want to pick you up, you can find someone else."

What's the point to all this you ask?

Well about a year and a half ago, I got an email from her apologizing for what she did and telling me that she was influenced by friends of her ex and that he ended up doing the same thing.

She told me that she was now dating this other guy that was really nice and all that good stuff. So that was good. I was glad to hear she was with someone she liked.

Actually it's funny, she emailed a bunch of her friends today (I was on the list too) saying that she just got engaged. So congrats to her.

Just another story like Vegeta's.

[GAAZ]

Yeah, Cept you say people don't change that quickly...I think people NEVER change... And if they do it's due to a blow to the head or someone died or something...Other than that a loser is a loser is a loser.

[Shino]

I agree with you in SOME cases. I believe that a number of people learn from experience with most things... but as far as this is concerned...

Once a cheat, always a cheat.

I'm sorry this happened to you bro.

Good luck!

[GAAZ]

Nothing REALLY happened. I was kinda crushed but it wasn't the end-o-the world. I'm more over it then I let ya guys think...It was my 400th post...Needed to make it spectacular.

[Sciler]